Captain's log

calling theoretical astrophysicists on their bluff

2012-01-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

So I'm watching a really great series of TV shows on Netflix, How The Universe Works, produced by the Discovery Channel in 2010. Holy cow is this stuff I didn't learn in high school-- probably since when I was in high school, we didn't know this stuff. (or think we know it, it is just scientific hypotheses, but even gravity was only a hypothesis, (even recently questioned by one nutcracker) and to my knowledge it's never actually been proven ;-) So come to find out that the earth is rotating around the sun-- yes, got that, move on-- and the sun is only one star in the Milky Way galaxy-- yawn, next slide please-- but that the Milky Way is orbiting around a super-massive black hole-- WHOA! Wait, what? Did I hear you correctly? <Googles like mad> Huh! Guess I did!

Now, I gotta pick a bone with these so-called "smart" astrophysicists. Here's what they sounded like in elementary school: "Um, my homework? Uh, yeah, um, I did that. I woulda gotten an A on it too, but unfortunately the dog ate it. Sorry teach. You can just go ahead and give me that A anyway though." That was elementary school, this is now: "Hi boss. Why'd you call me in your office? Oh, um, you want to know why galaxies are moving toward and away from each other? That's simple. Gravity! Oh you want more than a one-word answer, hmm... yeah... ooh I got it! Yeah, there's this stuff, see, and you can't see it, touch it, or taste it. In fact it's undetectable by any instrument known to man today. Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket! What is this stuff called? Oh... that's easy... it would be called... um... dark matter, yeah!"
All joking aside, actual quotes from the theoretical astrophysicists: "Dark energy is... really weird." Yeah, that's 'cause you just made dark matter up, that's how you explain the fact that you can't explain it. The show claims that dark matter is "Ghost-like material that will pass right through you, as if you didn't exist at all." Oh, yeah, sure, no I believe you, no problem there. But dark matter or not, you still gotta take out the trash and clean the bathtub. (which, if you hate doing, a Scrubbing Bubbles is awesome)
Yeah, we might make some giant scientific breakthroughs regarding this dark matter, but at the moment this is pretty much what we call "a lazy way of explaining things you don't understand."

http://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1SNNT_enUS416US416&aq=f&ix=hca&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=dark+matter

I.Q. test: should you or should you not bungee-jump over crocodile-infested waters?

2012-01-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

"Hmmm... I don't know... tough question... so down there are alligators... that will kill me if given the chance... actually eat me... and you want to push me off this incredibly safe alligator-observation ledge so that I hurl toward them rapidly, only to be pulled back at the last second by this very thin stretchy rope... yeah, huh, sounds like a solid good plan. You've really thought this out! Yeah, let's do this to this!"

<JUMP> http://news.google.com/news/more?pz=1&ned=us&ncl=dl8Qd8SJh1EV8kMv-wO4stgLqVUSM&topic=h

Later, "WOAH that was way too close! I had to swim with my ankles tied together and everything. Talk about a rush! I'm never EVER bungee-jumping over alligator-infested waters AGAIN... Oh what's that you say? You know of a place that will let me bungee-jump over a bear pit? Cool! How soon can we go? I'll have to work it in though, as my next adventure will be to have my body suspended over a bed of nails by a strand of used dental floss... that will be a jab of fun! It should be so exciting, it'll hurt!"

very useful info from a recent Dept. of Transportation study!

2012-01-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

This videoed P.S.A. is so ridiculously useful to drivers!

Heh heh heh...

OMG-- Google has built the bridge between yesterday and tomorrow'!

2012-01-06T20:00:00.000-08:00

If you think I'm kidding, watch the Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu 'hang out' on Google+!!! Think I'm joking? Here: http://thenextweb.com/google/2011/10/10/watch-the-video-taken-when-dalai-lama-archbishop-desmond-tutu-hung-out-on-google/ Mind-blowing!

well that was an interesting solution, thought I'd share: WHOOPS, THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE IN A LANGUAGE I DON'T SPEAK

2012-01-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

I'm sharing this nifty bit of problem-solving in case you might someday make use of it. So yesterday, I bought two Thermos mugs for hot drinks, except they weren't the Thermos brand, it was some brand no one's ever heard of. (unless you actually have heard of GoGo, in which case I mean no one but you) So I opened a bottle to see if they're machine-washable. Shoulda looked for that in the store, didn't think of it. "Hey, whoa, the directions are in French! Ah, I'll deal with this tomorrow." Well now it is tomorrow. I just did a nifty piece of problem-solving that you mightcould someday use. Here's the steps:

I know that scanning an image in using my printer/scanner will result in an image file, like a .gif, .png, .jpg, .bmp, .tiff, .eps, what have you. I want a way to actually get the text into a text document, a .txt file. I could import the image into an OpenOffice document (or Word, if that's the way you roll, but trust me, OO is way better, and free), but then it's still an image-- I can't edit the text in an image. I want to be able to open it in something like Windows Notepad. So I do a little hunting-- ooh, nice, got it. I found SimpleOCR, where OCR is Optical Character Reader. (by the way, if it ever happens that you come across a word on the internet that you don't know-- never happens, right?-- like say, "OCR", there is an oh-so-slick extension for the Google Chrome web browser by Google Dictionary that lets you simply double-click a word you don't know on any web page, and a popup appears with one of that word's definitions; if that doesn't answer your question right away, you can click More to see everything Google Dictionary knows about this word, which is nearing the limits of the collective worldwide human knowledge. How am I doing on making this the Guiness world's longest parenthetical expression? I've already surpassed the Great Parenthetical Wall of China from 1987...)
I used SimpleOCR to scan in my French instructions and spend a few minutes correcting it's guess of what letters it thinks it saw. Okay, now the French text I see on the screen matches the French text I read on the paper. (yeah, I could've just typed it in, all in French, to start with, but this is cooler, easier, and anyway, je ne peux pas taper en français, heh heh)
Now that I had the French text typed into the computer, I copy-and-pasted it into Google Translate. AHA! So I'm seeing this:

" utilization, ENTRETIEN ET

GARANTIE DE LA BOUTEILLE EN

AGER INOXYDABLE

Avant d'utiliser la |boutellle pour la premiere fois

Returer toutes les etiquettes et tons les matenaux d'emballage,

puis laver la boutelle en acier inoxydable Range Kleen a l'eau

tiede savonneuse et la rincer a fond afin d'eliminer toute poussiere

provenant de la fabrication, de l'emballage et de I'expedition

Bouteille isolante incassable en acier

Votre nouvelle bouteille incassable en acier de marque

Range Kleen est concue pour durer des annees

Utilisation et entretien

ATTENTION: Lorsqu'elle contient un liquide chaud, tenir

la bouteille hors de Ia portee des enfants

ATTENTION: Ne pas trop remplir. Risque de brulures.

* Pour une capacite d'isolation maximale, rechauffer

ou refroidir la bouteille avant utilisation. A cette fin,

Ia remplir d'eau chaude ou de d'eau froide, y mettre le

couvercle, la laisser reposer pendant cinq a dix

minutes, puis la vider."

... and it means this:

"utilization, MAINTENANCE AND

WARRANTY OF BOTTLE
STAINLESS AGER
Before using the | boutellle for the first time
Reture all the labels and colors matenaux packaging
Boutelle then wash the stainless steel Range Kleen Water
warm soapy and rinse thoroughly to remove any dust
from the manufacture, packaging and I'expedition
Unbreakable steel thermos
Your new bottle unbreakable steel brand
Range Kleen is designed to last for years
Use and Care
CAUTION: When it contains a hot liquid, keep
Ia the bottle out of reach of children
CAUTION: Do not overfill. Risk of burns.
* For a maximum capacity of insulation, heat up
or cool the bottle before use. To this end,
Ia filled with hot water or cold water, put the

lid, let stand for five to ten

minutes, then drain."

Okay, question answered! So I need to hand-wash my Boutelle. Okay, somewhat lengthy process, but that's just 'cause it was the first time, next time will be smoother! And I got to my answer! In the business, that's known as a "success"...

PLEASE READ: your screensaver can help fight illnesses!

2011-12-27T12:52:00.000-08:00

"What? How can it do that???" So there's quite a few distributed computing projects (and a run-down on how to join one), one of the famous ones being SETI @ Home, in which your home computer analyzes radio broadcasts from the skies, looking for patterns. I ran that for awhile, until I finally said "You know what? Helping look for extraterrestrial life is cool, but there's gotta be a distributed computing project that helps people." The point of a distributed computing project is that it takes a massively complex problem, one that would take humans an incredible number of years to solve, and by breaking the massive hard problem down into smaller less hard problems, then each smaller problem can be worked on by different computers. And even better, if the software is made such that it runs as a screensaver, it uses your computer only when you're not!

So I found BOINC, which is the software you need to install in order to run any number of projects in your computer's spare time. I ran SETI @ Home for a while before that realization kicked in that there are other, more direct routes to helping humanity. So I poked around... FOUND IT! I found the World Community Grid, hosted by IBM, which specifically hosts projects that aim to make human life better. This page lists some of their achievements to date, as well as a brief discussion of the software's security, which tells us that BOINC was developed at the University of California Berkeley. And this discussion of the project's recent 7th birthday lists details about their achievements to date as well as discussions of the most active projects.

Here is the email they sent me when I signed up-- sorry, the formatting got "all weird", but you can read most of it:

Dear JeffKnox,

We would like to congratulate you for successfully completing your first result for World Community Grid. This contribution and all future computer time that you donate will help advance research into:
Help Fight Childhood Cancer
FightAIDS@Home
Human Proteome Folding - Phase 2
Help Conquer Cancer

In addition to participating by donating your computer time, you may extend your involvement by joining a team (if not already a member of one) or inviting other people to join World Community Grid. Learn about other ways to get involved on the Explore World Community Grid page.

You can track the research currently being done by your computer on the Results Status page. This page reflects the:

time when a research work unit was sent to your computer
current status of the work unit(s) you are processing
work units that you have completed (for 4 days after validation)
amount of CPU time donated to complete each work unit

You can also automatically share your accomplishments with your friends by integrating World Community Grid with your Facebook and Twitter accounts. This helps spread the word and get more people involved! Get started by setting up your Social Networks.

World Community Grid is proud to be a founding member of People for a Smarter Planet. It's a network of communities, sponsored by IBM that helps people make meaningful and personal contributions toward a clear goal -- building a smarter planet. Visit People for a Smarter Planet on Facebook, and click the "Like" button. Then connect with other World Community Grid members to show your support.

If you'd like to download the World Community Grid software to another computer, you can do that here.

Thank you for contributing your unused computer cycles to help humanity! We look forward to your participation for many years to come!

The World Community Grid Team
And in case you misplace this email, you can got to my blog and scroll down to find a dark blue World Community Grid square that has the links you need to get started. Please, family and others, sign up, and if you do so, encourage others by going to this post on my blog and underneath will be a spot to leave comments! Let's make a better world together!

ATTENTION DOG OWNERS: Riley goes bike riding

2011-12-26T11:27:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to share this clip that mom took. We just got home from the beach, and at the beach we went to, Deer Island, there are bike trails galore. So we rented 2 tricycles and a bike. Before we went, dad found this great leash attachment for a bike at The Dog Outdoors, and this one is sweet since (pay attention, dog owners) the end of the pole that attaches to the bike on one end has on the other end a stretchy leash attachment, so the dog isn't choked to death when the bike speeds up or slows down. Not too much, but just enough to let them know "okay, it's time to start slowing down now." You can see the Ri-meister stretch it out a bit...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPA9Cvlk5WM

Boy did she love that!

happy Festivus everyone!

2011-12-23T07:01:00.000-08:00

Happy Festivus everyone!

nifty! Use Google Maps to see the ocean floor!

2011-12-22T19:00:00.000-08:00

Huh! I just found this by accident, and it's slick! Go to Google Maps, and change the map mode in the upper-right from Satellite to Earth by putting your mouse where it says Satellite and then clicking on Earth. Zoom out to see the world's oceans! It's a neat way to see that Hawaii is really just mountaintops!

2011's most viral video

2011-12-20T16:23:00.001-08:00

We have watched this about 42 million times: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqj9xrhGpoc

4 definitions of necessity

2011-12-20T16:21:00.000-08:00

THIS IS -=SO=- COOL! I've figured out where I was for those 5 weeks!

2011-12-20T14:10:00.000-08:00

THIS IS SO COOL! I've figured out for sure where I was for those 5 weeks! (5/26/07 - 7/1/07) So we're currently on vacation at Hilton Head, SC. Several of my relatives have been here, and if so, I guarantee you've been to this spot. So we rented a bike & two tricycles for the week (this island has bike trails all over-- excellent), and we just biked to the South Beach Marina. (home of the Salty Dog restaurant-- if you've been to the island, that should jog your memory)
When we first arrived at South Beach, I was like "I've been here... recently, within the last few years." My folks were like "No, no you haven't, and certainly not since the wreck..." Then as I wandered around, I just knew where certain mundane things were-- "I spent a lot of time on this dock by this launching ramp in the marina, looking at that cove over there, I walked right between this pool and these tennis courts a good bit, and here's the spiral wired staircase I predicted would be right here-- in fact, I believe I lived here, at the top of this spiral staircase, in that condo, above this parrot." (I've never lived anywhere close to here) It was kind of like having a dream-- well, exactly that actually-- and then getting to walk through your dream but in reality! HOLY JUNKBUTTER!!! I cannot believe I found it! I haven't been looking for these spots that stand out so vividly in my memory banks, but I definitely know this is where I was! I just have so many recollections of mundane things at this Marina... that never happened. It could have just been a dream, but there are so many different memories at this spot, it would have to have been a sequence of recurring dreams. Which is exactly why I say I was here during the coma-- I don't dream anymore, a well-known side-effect of brain injuries. Musta been those 5 weeks then...
So y'all call it a "coma," I now call it a "vacation!" I mean, how cool is that?!? That drunk driver sent me on a 5-week retreat to Hilton Head Island! Thanks! It makes sense, too, the whole bit about your brain returning to where it's at it's most relaxed... I certainly didn't feel like I was missing anything, but I definitely feel whole, complete again...

I'm a sucker for cuteness...

2011-12-18T07:44:00.000-08:00

Awwww, cute... check out a baby playing with a puppy... http://gma.yahoo.com/video/parenting-26594265/baby-plays-with-puppy-cutest-youtube-video-ever-27619223.html

And check out this pic dad snapped the morning that we were packing up to go to the beach for a week...

Riley is so nervous this morning, she curled up in my suitcase......"just in case you're thinking of leaving without me"

you know what just occurred to me about the word "deodorant"?

2011-12-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

The word "deodorant", meaning the stuff us Americans put in our armpits, has precisely the wrong prefix. It's not taking odor away, which is implied by "de-" anything, it's replacing your natural body odor with some sweet summer leaves or somesuch. So technically, it should be called reodorant! (okay, mini-rant is over, I'm OK again, just had to get that off my chest; little weird inconsistencies like that bother me)

the author of Life Without Limits

2011-12-13T17:46:00.000-08:00

So for my recent birthday, my California relatives gave me the book Life Without Limits. (thanks y'all!) It's an unbelievable premise: this man, Nick Vujicic, was born with NO ARMS OR LEGS! And he maintains a healthy sense of humor, and apparently achieves more than anyone guessed-- he's a motivational speaker. (I haven't read it yet, but mom has and says it's awesome) Dad just found a video of the author, and you just gotta see this video on Youtube! If you'd like to pick up a copy of the book yourself, here's where you can find it online, or at some of your local bookstores or even in a library. (click "Get this book in print" on the left) (HA! I just found that if you say to find this book in a library, it starts with local libraries... all the way down to libraries in Australia and Singapore! Can you imagine trying to get a library card?)

closing in on other Earths!

2011-12-12T08:53:00.000-08:00

WAY COOL! Ever since I saw Hubble 3D, the movie (highly recommended), I've been convinced since the universe is that big, there's just no way that humans are the only life in the galaxy, we just gotta find 'em. Well, cool, in the news recently was a finding of "other Earths," potentially habitable. Awesome! Getting closer, getting closer... Check out the news coverage of the newly discovered planets!

"are you on crack?... like FDR was?"

2011-12-11T18:18:00.001-08:00

Ha! So very often in my therapies, my therapist would ask me to do something, something that for me at the time was very hard. I would so often come back with a "Are you on crack?" My folks thought it was mildly amusing... until dad recently slipped a disc in his back, and is currently undergoing physical rehab. The other day, he asked his P.T. "Are you on crack?" Now you know how I felt, huh dad? And here's the surprising bit he saw on TV the other night-- FDR WAS ON CRACK! HUH!!!

WHOA COOL! (yes I'm a techno-geek)

2011-12-09T11:55:00.001-08:00

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/this-could-be-big-abc-news/see-tablets-2012-144516380.html

now that was satisfying all around

2011-12-08T15:43:00.001-08:00

I took my trike the furthest yet today, and got rewarded with a tasty lunch at a cafe I couldn't easily get to before. And when I was eating lunch, I saw a sign hanging that really alarmed me... (this sign, comments below)

what a fantastic tradition

2011-12-05T20:04:00.001-08:00

Now this is a cool tradition. I'm going to start trying to get our hockey team to follow suit...

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Video-Watch-25-003-stuffed-animals-fly-in-a-hoc?urn=nhl-wp18984

you can find ANYTHING on the internet!!!

2011-12-04T20:06:00.001-08:00

I just happened to stumble across this, and had to share how unbelievable odd it is. Growing up, I loved the TV show The A-Team. Come to find out, those episodes are on Netflix. OH YES! I get a healthy dose of Hannibal, Face, Murdock & B.A. each week. "I love it when a plan comes together." Yeah, me too, Hannibal, me too. (and I hate it when a plan goes awry, especially when it results in a coma) Speaking of B.A., this goes to show how unbelievably wide the internet is. If you were to, say, visit a foreign country and you were to, say, happen to find yourself in discussions with the locals about how awesome the A-Team is (you never know, it could happen, what, oh you don't get out much do you), you might find that you hit a wall when you start to discuss the nuances of that African-American character, ah what was his name in your language, ah sorry I don't know what you all call him here... OH YES I DO! I forgot there's this thing called the "internet", where people have put together how to say "B.A. Baracus" IN OTHER LANGUAGES. What the ever-loving snot-rags... and let's hope that Mr. T. doesn't visit Taiwan, as I think anyone who says to him "hey you, I need picture, Wacky Head" is going to have a real bad day. Call it a hunch. "Don't be callin' me no wacky head stuff anymo', you hear me sucka? That be crazy. And I thought the Face-man was crazy. You see me flexin'? Call it a reload. They say no pain, no gain-- well, you about to gain a lot fool! You about to be rich! Hey, shoe's untied!"

Ally's eCheck service! way cool!

2011-12-03T08:55:00.001-08:00

That was cool! I got a check for my birthday, and I deposited it in my checking account-- without going anywhere! Took about 10 minutes! I did in the evening, and it could have been done any time of day or night! I've long been a fan of the way Ally does banking, but this new service is (as the kids are wont to say) DA BOMB! (or does that date me as over 30? over 32, as of 3 days ago) I scanned my check into the computer, and they verified later by email that it had been processed! Now, they've had this coming for awhile, but being a computer graphics geek, I had been thinking there's no way they can get folks to scan in the image to their specification. I mean, they'd have to specify dots-per-inch resolution, file format (BMP/JPG/GIF/PNG/TGA/Tiff/etc), image size in pixels, image size in megabytes, etc... there's just no way. Good luck getting John Q. Public (not you, I mean your neighbor) to understand that. I mean, not everyone understand how powerful & useful the free GNU Image Manipulation Program is (GIMP). BUT NO-- I simply went to ally.com, clicked that I wanted to transfer money in via an eCheck deposit, and they walked me through the whole process right there! They even checked the image to see if it was legible! Wow. Banking joins the 21st century! Welcome, glad you caught up! (Chad & Janet, if you're still reading this blog, this bank may be for U.S. customers only, sorry, I really dunno but I doubt it, they're pretty big. How's things on your side of the pond?)

the internet gets weirder than weird...

2011-11-28T20:04:00.001-08:00

... like it wasn't already. Heard about this from stand-up comic Kathleen Madigan via Netflix. Have you ever heard of a Kitler? It's a kitten... ... ... that looks like... ... ... Hitler. Thus, Kitler. And here's the kicker-- there's a whole website dedicated to them! Cats that look like Hitler DOT COM! Here's the best ones they've found: http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigbest.pl (one of them's even doing the salute correctly) As our species grows older, I believe humans are rapidly heading to an insane asylum off in some remote corner of the universe, and when we get there we'll discover the inmates have a nickname for it, they call it "Florida".

check in at the ER... from home???

2011-11-24T14:52:00.001-08:00

I'm sharing this as this is maybe one of the weirdest/worst ideas I've ever heard. You can now "check in" to the Greenville emergency room ON THE INTERNET. "What???" (I actually said it in bold) So if you get there and there's a line, but you're bleeding pretty badly and only have a few minutes to live, I guess it might be comforting to know that you can whip out your smartphone using the hand that is the least badly deformed from the industrial accident you just had and check in. Oh, that makes sense. Here's the official announcement. But the fine print just kills me:
"If you have a medical emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest ER immediately. You should only use InQuickER if you are certain you can safely wait at home with no risk to your health." Um, if you are certain you can wait at home with no risk to your health... WHY ARE YOU GOING TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM? None of the definitions of "emergency" seem to match their definition. And the site is full of situations where you should not use the online check-in system but go immediately to an actual E.R. Um, so maybe it's just me, but when would I use this oh so convenient system? Shouldn't this effort be renamed "Die in the comfort of your own home, feeling good about the fact that you've 'checked in' to an E.R."???

two short amusing videos

2011-11-23T14:35:00.001-08:00

(you have to watch the video to see why I'm amused for both)

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/c-span-battle-historian-shouts-down-congressman-hearing-220846049.html Now, it's amusing to watch Mrs. Edelman's 3rd grade class visit Congress and pretend they're congressmen, but what really got me going was watching the facial expressions of the blonde in the background.

(yeah, I'm a dork, but this is really cool) http://sciencedemonstrations.fas.harvard.edu/icb/icb.do?keyword=k16940&pageid=icb.page80863&pageContentId=icb.pagecontent341734&state=maximize&view=view.do&viewParam_name=indepth.html#a_icb_pagecontent341734

oh cool! a robot bird!

2011-11-10T07:22:00.000-08:00

Holy cow! Forget all that "the future is what happens later" stuff, the future is now! Check out the Festo SmartBird! This is unreal! A robotic "bird"!!! In the Al-Qaeda base camp: "What was that? A spy plane?" "Nah, don't worry about it, go back to your mass-terror planning, it was just a bird. No one could possibly know what we're up to..."

(note to any members of Al-Qaeda who read this blog: the United States would never use one of these unholy devices in your sacred lands, don't worry about it. Hey, it'll be sunny tomorrow, so when you're planning your next attack outside on the picnic table, no need for an umbrella...)

oh cool! "OmniTouch"!!!

2011-11-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

Maybe a glimpse of the future of the way we interact with computers: the OmniTouch

who needs to work when YOU'RE RICH?!?

2011-11-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah... my bank just sent me a letter confirming that they admittedly made a mistake and they owe me money... lots of money. Have fun in the working class, suckers... must be rough... I won't know any longer... keep at it... something about your nose and a grindstone...

The letter!

(look for the zoom in button in the upper-right that looks like a magnifying glass, then hit + in the upper-left)

p.s. anybody got some hot stock tips?

p.p.s. never mind-- why would I care? It's not like I'm trying to get rich... hello, conservative mutual funds... it's called "preservation of wealth"...

;-)

solar highway slickness!

2011-11-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

I thought the solar highway concept was super slick when I first heard of it, then I didn't happen to see anything about it for a long while & assumed the project went the way of the dinosaur. BUT NO-- it's apparently been running for almost 3 years! This is super smart! We SO need more of this!

http://www.oregon.gov/ODOT/HWY/OIPP/inn_solarhighway.shtml

do you live near a creek/stream/river?

2011-11-02T20:54:00.000-07:00

(from some random email I just got)

WaterAlert from the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) can send you a text or e-mail message when waters are rising in rivers and streams near you. You can also receive updates about groundwater levels, water temperatures, rainfall, and water quality at sites where USGS collects real-time water information.

Learn more about WaterAlert.

cool idea! using video-games to solve real science problems!

2011-11-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

This is a nifty use of otherwise unproductive man-hours...

Why video games are key to modern science

running-- Spinx Run Fest

2011-10-30T08:28:00.000-07:00

So I've become a runner. It started months ago when I found out a running store that I can walk to has a group Saturday mornings for those who aren't actively runners but want to change that. So every run isn't a full-out sprint, but designed for those who aren't in peak condition. Like doing 3 minutes of running, 1 minute of walking, etc, etc. Been getting into running form with them for months. My first "race" was a couple of months ago, the running store's "Nike fun run", untimed. (except for on my watch-- you gotta know, man! well, I do anyway) My time there was 30:20-- not bad at all for a "first" go at it. (in quotes since I ran track & field and also cross country in high school, but you might say a lot has happened since, so let's call it a "new first", or a "re-first") Then, as a smart man once said "From that day on, if I was going somewhere, I was running!"

That was a good warm-up for the Greenville 5k rally run the following week. My only real goal here was to improve my time, I don't care how much, I just want to show improvement. Right before the start, they were telling us the route to run and said 'Turn around at the monument." I was thinking "What monument? Oh, never mind, I sure won't be first so it's not my problem." But I'm running, walking, running and I get to a place where I can go at least 4 different directions-- and, UH OH, there's no one in front or back of me, we were SO spread out by then. "This isn't going according to plan..." So I just kinda hung out & waited for the next runner, who was as baffled as I was. Eventually we decided we were at "the monument" and turned around to run back the way we had come. Lucky-- turned out we guessed exactly right! And at a time of 30:15, I met my goal! I was strutting my stuff that day-- "I can get somewhat lost and still run a faster time! Oh yeah, I'm bad, I'm bad..."

Then about a month later was a 5k to benefit the Gateway House at Furman, my first college. It was kinda nice to run familiar ground. By this time I had bought a belt that holds water bottles securely, it's made for running. So I'm cruising through my old stomping grounds, feeling pretty good about my time, and I know I'm in the last 200 yards, so kick it up a notch! Then one of the bystanders yells to me "Hey, you dropped a water bottle!" Wha-- oh, my arm knocked it off & I didn't notice... dang, well, let's turn around, run about 10 yards the wrong way, pick it up and then sprint like my life depends on it! And hey, my time there was 30:13! So I was feeling my oats that day... "I can run the wrong way and still beat my best time!" (barely, but it counts!) I think this was the one where I was kinda griping that I only improved by 2 seconds, and my gym trainer Ginnie was like "Jeff, 4 years ago, you were in a coma." Yeah, okay, there is that, good point, but doesn't deflect my drive to excel.

And then a month after that, yesterday actually, was another 5k. I didn't think it would be a big deal, they've all been somewhat small affairs to benefit some local charity so far. BUT OH NO, this was a big deal-- the Spinx Run Fest! (and now that I think about it, why did I think Spinx was just some local charity?) It wasn't just a 5k, it was a 5k, a half-marathon, and a full marathon... holy cow. But okay, cool, I'm very familiar with the 5k race course as it's all downtown on routes I've walked many times before. I didn't think much about it. Then I get to the race and discover they've blocked off Main Street for a good ways! Whoa, this is a big deal! I didn't even think about where it's gonna end. So I'm running, thinking "Don't get lost! Don't drop a water bottle! Don't be a doofus!" (and I met the first two goals! :-)) I couldn't get lost, there were so many runners (over 800), and I skootched my water bottles around to the back where my arms wouldn't hit them. It was my first clean race! YES! Goal met! And the ending I hadn't thought about wrapped around the outside of the baseball stadium and had us enter and circle the field, huh, cool. And this being a big deal race, as you crossed the finish line there was a large clock above it. So my official time here was 29:57!!! Alright, not dropping things and not getting lost results in my largest improvement yet, 16 seconds! I'll take that! Now I thought at first that I had improved by well over a minute, but when I got home and discovered it was only 16 seconds, I was like "Ah, who cares..." That's why it didn't appear on this blog. But after I've slept on it, heck, given Ginnie's point of view, I'll take anything-- but improvements are always nice, and it was my largest improvement yet. And it was nice that my folks came over and brought Riley, as both as I ran by at the start and just after I finished, I got a howl of pleasure. Exactly, well said, Ri.

This is how I'm beating my coma.

"10 Greenville schools locked down for manhunt"

2011-10-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

So this was amusing. Greenville Tech has been sending a flurry of text messages to my phone about a nearby shooting at a police officer this morning (news coverage), where the guy had a freaking rifle, that caused them to put the school on lockdown. Since I don't have classes on Fridays this semester, I don't really care. (and you'd think they'd check class schedules before sending out a school-wide panic alert, but no... which verifies that it really is just a two-bit technical college. ;-) yuk yuk) And while I was in the grocery store just now, my folks called to describe what they heard on the news that the suspect looks like... they've got my back. "It's a black man wearing a gray sweatshirt." My reaction was "Um, wouldn't it just be easier to say THE GUY WITH THE RIFLE?" So this might happen:
"There he is! Duck and cover!"
"Nah, the suspect was described as wearing a grey sweatshirt, and that sweatshirt is clearly an off-mauve tone. Don't pay this guy with a rifle any attention since he's not wearing a grey sweatshirt... He looks angry, but Duke did lose a home game last night, so go figure... I'm mad about that too, heck, gimme a rifle!"

(I'm sorry guys, but that was pretty doggone funny. So I need to be selective about which gunmen I watch out for-- silly me, I've had it wrong all these years; I've just been fleeing all gunmen. I guess maybe I should get to know them first, then flee... "OH, you're the gunman who just went through a third divorce... I heard about you, bye!")

Josh Blue gets out-palsied

2011-10-23T01:40:00.000-07:00

So my new favorite comedian is Josh Blue, who is afflicted with cerebral palsy. He's made a career out of making light of the odd predicaments his spastic arms get him into. I just like someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously. (here's some of his stand-up) This clip is from another stand-up comic with cerebral palsy who works Josh into his show. It's amusing.

http://suaevents.com/2011/10/17/dont-get-too-close-we-might-get-tangled-up/

See You Next Wednesday

2011-10-22T23:11:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of a joke that doesn't go too far, but does go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on? Just good to at least hear of it once... it's kinda funny how much this phrase worked it's way into our culture...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/See_You_Next_Wednesday

do a test drive of your driving directions!

2011-10-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

Huh! I'll be darned! I just stumbled across this. This is pretty cool-- next to "Driving directions to Keowee Sailing Club" on the left, click the "3D" button. I've never seen that before...

http://maps.google.com/maps?saddr=Greenville,+SC&daddr=150+Keowee+Sailing+Club+Drive,+Seneca,+SC+29672+(Keowee+Sailing+Club)&hl=en&sll=34.76982,-82.666626&sspn=0.515532,1.040955&geocode=FQrPEwIdZsQW-ykFEfpiZo9XiDGWdiW_d52q2A%3BFVzhEQIddsQO-yHEVle6cYV9Mw&vpsrc=0&mra=prev&t=f&z=10&ecpose=34.82856776,-82.51567628,1431.36,-95.019,74.963,0

"Flight school"... "We're for real"... "REALLY!"

2011-10-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

First, look at the poster I just found in the Barley's hallway. It's the pink one about airplane rides. (getting a link to just that picture wasn't working, so I got a link to the album) https://picasaweb.google.com/107911494545960970374/DropBox#

Huh. Okay, so I grab a picture on my camera-phone, and email it to myself to check it out later. That led me here: http://www.flyairwolf.com/

Now, anything strike you as odd about that?

"We pride ourselves in providing the highest quality pilot training available. We have created our own syllabi for all certificates and ratings from our personal experiences and knowledge. Our structured and professional approach allows you to earn your pilot certificate or rating in the most time efficient and cost effective manner with the quality you expect from a Professional Flight School."

Translated using Google Translate, From: Engrish, To: Jeff-speak: (those languages may not be an option for you, I double-ultra-sonic-hacked my browser's cookies) (and don't ask how I did that) (I don't know)

"We're good. (we think) We're darn good. (we hope) We're so good, we threw away the manual before we read it. Oh wait, that's not right... OH YEAH, we didn't even buy the manual. What a stupid concept. "I wanna learn... it's HARD to be a pilot." No it's not, you goof. Then the old fuddy-duddies made us "go through flight school" (yawn), so instead of that old bore, we just opened our own flight school with some of daddy's money, "created our own syllabi for all certificates and ratings from our personal experience", and voilá! Now, our personal experiences and knowledge may or may not have anything to do with airplanes, but that's besides the point. Well maybe not planes in person, but we're well versed in Tattoo's flight school, and Tattoo himself stands tall and proud by his flight school. The taller he stands, the better his school is. Now we promise you won't find a cheaper, faster "flight school." Our rigorous application system involves the following stepS: (it useda be one step until the TSA got their big fat noses all up in our bidness)

When coming to our school, plan your flight path to take you by a Sonic drive-in, and BE SURE you DO NOT leave without a Diet Coke blended float.
THIS IS CRITICAL: bring the D.C. blended float to our office.
Bring a pen.
Bring a piece of paper.
You better have remembered a straw.
2 minutes of skilled craftsmanship later (old fuddy-duddies are calling it "forgery," don't listen to 'em, that's just one way of looking at it), YOU NOW HAVE A PILOT'S LICENSE!
Tell your friends you got your pilot's license not from a plain old boring flight school, but from a professional flight school. (take special note that we know how to turn on italics, it's a pilot secret) (CTRL-I, but you didn't hear that from me)

Gmail is no longer invitation-only! CHECK IT OUT!

2011-10-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

HUH! It used to be (for many years) that the only way to get a Gmail account was through an invite from someone who already has a Gmail account. I was trying to convince a friend of how great this email service is, and noticed that I no longer have the "Invite a friend" box in my Gmail like I've seen for the last decade or so. I go looking into it, and I'll be darned! Gmail has finally gone public! I can't gush enough about how useful it can be, both in terms of the way Google organizes things, and in how they allow you to have infinite control, one way is through these things they call Filters that automatically handle incoming emails in certain ways that you define before you even see those particular emails. Even though switching your email address around is a pain, (gotta update banks, etc.), THIS IS WORTH IT. My folks switched to Gmail a few years ago, and are very satisfied. OK, I'll shut up now. Please check it out, maybe even just do a test run that no one else will know about yet:

https://mail.google.com/support/bin/answer.py?answer=7403

Might wanna view a quick "welcome to Gmail" tutorial I cobbled together a few years ago:

https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AZnKqFuFRFukZGNyd3NwZ21fMTYxaHBrNnI1Y3Y&authkey=CO2q444B&hl=en_US&authkey=CO2q444B

5 things to make solar highways even cooler

2011-09-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

So when I first heard about solar highways, the idea to turn roads into electricity generators, I set up a Google News alert for "solar highways". (using the quotes makes Google only find the words in the order I specify) COOL! Look what just showed up in my email!

5 Things to Make Solar Highways Even Cooler | Solar Feeds
Sustainable technology development is the need of the hour. With fast depleting natural resources, threat to survival has become evident. The scientists.
www.solarfeeds.com/5-things-to-make-solar-highways-even-c...

Sept. 19th is Monday!!!

2011-09-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

Which is International Talk Like A Pirate Day! http://www.talklikeapirate.com/ Arrrr...

watch good Samaritans learn what a hernia is

2011-09-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

This video is incredible:
"A fiery rescue in Utah was caught on tape Monday.

A car hit a motorcycle in Logan. The bike slid under the car, trapping the rider under the car as flames burst out.

Grad student Chris Garff, who shoots video of lectures and school events for Utah State University, happened to be there when it happened, and began getting the scene on video.

Half a dozen people tried the lift the blazing BMW.

"We were cheering them on, like 'Get that car up! Get that guy outta there!" Garff says.

No luck.

Then, a flood of people swarmed the car and crane it managed to lift it into the air.

A construction worker dragged the limp body from under the 4,000 pounds of steel.

"It felt like he was motionless for a very, very long. It felt like forever," Garff says. "I thought he was a goner."

But then, as one witness described it, "He's moving! No freakin' way!"

This video is incredible: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/09/13/earlyshow/main20105286.shtml

what 9/11/11 looked like to a "half-Arab, half-Jewish housewife" on a plane

2011-09-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

This was in today's Google-News-by-email, and it's a VERY sobering reminder of what it's like to go through life in America post-9/11/01 if you look even remotely Middle Eastern. I can't imagine. And some days -I- think I have it tough.
The news article explaining briefly what happened to Shoshana Hebshi, a "half-Arab, half-Jewish housewife", as she sat peacefully aboard a plane on 9/11/11: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44501310/ns/us_news-security/

But what's a really good read is her insightful blog post about the incident: http://shebshi.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/some-real-shock-and-awe-racially-profiled-and-cuffed-in-detroit/

remembering 9/11

2011-09-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

I have to say something on the 10 year anniversary of that horrific tragedy. Look at this news article I got in my "Google News by email" feed. (I'd share the link to sign up, but I can't figure out how to, see this discussion if you're interested in getting the top news stories daily in your email) Back to 9/11, oh yeah. This video absolutely astounded me. It's not about the towers, it's shows President Bush's non-reaction when he hears the news that America is under attack. Whether you're a Bush fan or absolutely not, here's the leader of the free world learning that his country is in a surprise war... and because he's in front of a class of elementary students, HAS NO VISIBLE REACTION. That's astounding! My respect for W. just shot though the roof! To be able to so calmly handle himself after receiving the news that America is under attack is just breathtaking. I mean, face it, most of us would immediately let out a scream, run around in circles, and yell "FORGET THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN, HELP ME!" while putting a kitchen pot over our heads. ;-) But no, look at this:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/09/10/earlyshow/saturday/main20104281.shtml
Well done, W. Those schoolchildren were able to calmly continue their day because you were able to control yourself in the crucial moment-- WELL DONE INDEED!

remember this first Tuesday in November...

2011-09-08T18:05:00.001-07:00

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/video/2011/09/07/case-missed-rick-perry-struggles-answer-question-abstinence

Next Saturday...

2011-09-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

... is the next-to-last of this century's only twelve days with sequential dates. Write the date of next Saturday in MM-DD-YY form. See it now? Mark your calendar for the final one, which will be one year, one month, and one day after this one!

THERE ARE (apparently) NO LIMITS: quadriplegic sailing

2011-08-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

Sakes alive this is cool!!! The backstory is that I signed up long ago for emails from disability.gov. I got one about 3 months ago, and finally had time to read it since I'm on my last day of summer break. This email discussed wheelchair bowling and the American Wheelchair Bowling Association. Whoa. Wheelchair bowling's pretty doggone cool, but what caught my attention was this sentence: "Challenged America is an adaptive-sailing rehabilitation program for kids and adults with disabilities." While I sail fine without adaptations and I've worked incredibly hard to make it so, I was very intrigued-- I mean, bowling, you can't get hurt (badly); sailing, you need to have your game face on. Folks who are very physically disabled-- sailing? How the heck??? Dad looked into it and found that it's a special kind of sailboat, a Martin 16, which has no tiller. Um, you kind of need that. How the heck do you steer a boat with no steering wheel? WHOA!!! COOL! You put a nozzle in your mouth, and use that to steer! Just gotta remember, "sip to starboard, puff to port"! (starboard = right, port = left; I'll get all you landlubbers properly educated one of these days...)

Click HERE to watch a -=quadriplegic=- going for a sail!!!

That is the coolest thing I've ever seen!

China to Taiwan-- GOOD LUCK

2011-08-08T20:24:00.000-07:00

Ha! Check out the 48th step in these directions!

today's chuckle

2011-08-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

I saw this from a bus months ago and was fairly confused. I stopped taking that bus, so when I happened to be on the same bus yesterday and saw the same road sign, I quick whipped out my camera-phone and snapped it.

https://picasaweb.google.com/107911494545960970374/CaptainSLog#5637759876435217458 (look at the caption, otherwise it's just a road sign)

Lesson Of The Dodo: we are all connected (not a short read)

2011-07-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

I just read these two pages last night and was blown away. It's from an excellent book, The Panda's Thumb, More Reflections In Natural History by Stephen Jay Gould. I highly recommend snagging a copy from any bookseller, you can find stores that sell it and even locate it in a local library at that link.

"The dodo, a giant flightless pigeon, (twenty-five pounds or more in weight), lived in fair abundance on the island of Mauritius. Within 200 years of its discovery in the fifteenth century, it had been wiped out-- by men who prized its tasty eggs and by the hogs that early sailors had transported to Mauritius. No living dodos have been seen since 1681.
In August, 1977, Stanley A. Temple, a wildlife ecologist at the University of Wisconsin, reported the following remarkable story (but see postscript for a subsequent challenge). He, and others before him, had noted that a large tree, Calvaria major, seemed to be near the verge of extinction on Mauritius. In 1973, he could find only thirteen "old, overmature, and dying trees" in the remnant native forests. Experienced Mauritian foresters estimated the trees' ages at more than 300 years. These trees produce well-formed, apparently fertile seeds each year, but none germinate and no young plants are known. Attempts to induce germination in the controlled and favorable climate of a nursery have failed. Yet Calvaria was once common on Mauritius; old forestry records indicate that it had been lumbered extensively.
Calvaria's large fruits, about two inches in diameter, consist of a seed enclosed in a hard pit nearly half an inch thick. This pit is surrounded by a layer of pulpy, succulent material covered by a thin outer skin. Temple concluded that Calvaria seeds fail to germinate because the thick pit "mechanically resists the expansion of the embryo within." How, then, did it germinate in previous centuries?
Temple put two facts together. Early explorers reported that the dodo fed on fruits and seeds of large forest trees; in fact, fossil Calvaria pits have been found among skeletal remains of the dodo. The dodo had a strong gizzard filled with large stones that could crush tough bits of food. Secondly, the age of surviving Calvaria trees matches the demise of the dodo. None has sprouted since the dodo disappeared almost 300 years ago.
Temple therefore argues that Calvaria evolved its unusually thick pit as an adaptation to resist destruction by crushing in a dodo's gizzard. But, in so doing, they became dependent upon dodos for their own reproduction. Tit for tat. A pit thick enough to survive in a dodo's gizzard is a pit too thick for an embryo to burst by it's own resources. Thus, the gizzard that once threatened the seed had become its necessary accomplice. The thick pit must be abraded and scratched before it can germinate.
Several small animals eat the fruit of Calvaria today, but they merely nibble away the succulent middle and leave the internal pit untouched. The dodo was big enough to swallow the fruit whole. After consuming the middle, dodos would have abraded the pit in their gizzards before regurgitating it or passing it in their feces. Temple cites many analogous cases of greatly increased germination rates for seeds after passage through the digestive tracts of various animals.
Temple then tried to estimate the crushing force of a dodo's gizzard by making a plot of body weight versus force generated by the gizzard in several modern birds. Extrapolating the curve up to a dodo's size, he estimates that Calvaria pits were thick enough to resist crushing; in fact, the thickest pits could not be crushed until they had been reduced nearly 30% by abrasion. Dodos might well have regurgitated the pits or passed them along before subjecting them to such an extended treatment. Temple took turkeys-- the closest modern analogue to dodos-- and force-fed them Calvaria pits, one at a time. Seven of seventeen pits were crushed in the turkey's gizzard, but the other ten were regurgitated or passed in feces after considerable abrasion. Temple planted these seeds and three of them germinated. He writes: "These may well have been the first Calvaria seeds to germinate in more than 300 years." Calvaria can probably be saved from the brink of extinction by the propagation of artificially abraded seeds. For once, an astute observation, combined with imaginative thought and experiment, may lead to preservation rather than destruction."

How cool is that?!?! On the other hand, 3/17 = 17%. I don't know about the schools you've attended, but 17% was and is a solid F- (which is considered a failing grade at all of the schools I've attended); maybe these trees need to go through Remedial Calvaria 101, or pick up a copy of Choosing Life: Guidelines to Avoiding Extinction. Although, if you need to read a book to learn that extinction is bad, I'm thinking you should just go ahead and do the rest of us a favor and become extinct. Or maybe it was that they only nominated one tree to do the forest's reading, but little did they know that he/she/it was both a pathological liar and really, really convincing and most importantly either dyslexic or a wicked procrastinator: "Yeah, yeah, okay, so y'all [it's a tree from Southern Mauritius] need my book report on the book I was supposed to have been reading this month, okay, I think that was supposed to have been "Germination for Dummies. You want it now? <gulp> First off, I want to say that I had the devil of a time getting my hands on it since the Kindle bookstore doesn't have it scanned in yet. I really have a moral issue with buying books at the Mauritius Southern Pines bookstore like y'all do, 'cuz last time I did that, I was glancing through and page 42 looked an awful lot like my neighbor Bob. Bob was the chapter president of our book club. Heh! That's kinda funny, now that I think about it. He did love him some books. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Bob in a long time, hopefully he's having a Hawaiian vacation somewhere. Oh, yeah, right, thanks Fred, that would be in Hawaii. What's that Sally? Well it would just take him a really, really long time to get there, wouldn't it? Okay, right, right, book report, well, the deal is... um... um um... that after we all just go ahead and fail to germinate-- together, as a group, no stragglers-- then all of our wildest dreams will come true. Yes, Sam, I know that I've had issues with germination my whole life, and I'm trying to tell y'all that you should try it sometime! Not germinating, that is! It should lead to better things for the members of the Southern Pines community! Escobar, you might finally actually grow a branch! Mabel, you may finally win the lotto after all these years. W., you might finally get elected to some position. I know you were waiting until Bob gets chopped for lumber, I meant bigger than the book club. [the crowd gasps: "Bigger than the Southern Pines book club?"] Think HUGE, W., like, I don't know, president of the United States or something, then you can show the whole world what it's like when a tree really puts on its thinking cap. That'll be a win for all of us. Now I have to catch a plane, I leave you in peace! First one to germinate is a rotten egg! Well, shoot, now I have to open up the floor for side bets. Who do you think will be the first to break down and germinate? That one loner who's too cool for our community meetings and calls himself Rambo? We all know his real name is Sylvester. Anyone got $5 on Rambo?"

If anyone actually makes it this far, shoot me a message please, so I'll know I'm not shouting into the void...

AWESOME! Dog does most of a road race!

2011-07-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

Just a great news story: this little guy waited for a storm to take out the electricity powering his invisible fence, then joined a very close-by road race, the Maryland half-marathon for cancer research, ending up running about 9 miles of it! GO, DOZER, GO! :-) :-) :-)

http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/dozers-big-day-14180812
&
http://www.facebook.com/dozerthedogfanpage (has various pictures of him on the course)

DID YOU SEE HOW MUCH HE RAISED FOR CHARITY? YEAH! YOU THE MAN-- ER, DOG-- DOZER!

chuckle chuckle chuckle

2011-07-26T20:43:00.001-07:00

Ha, amusing. The background is that my folks & I had a meeting about a month ago at my apartment with a lady from a group called Visiting Angels. They provide in-home care, mostly to the elderly. My folks' health is absolutely fine, but looking forward to the day when they may not be able to help me with all of my very minor-league mini-"emergencies" throughout the week-- just learning basic life skills all over again-- we figured something like Visiting Angels could be my safety net if/when my folks are incapacitated or gone. So after the interview, she was on her way out the door and said "If, heaven forbid, your folks are in a car wreck or anything, and you need help, just give us a call." I was like "Well hold on there, wait a minute, I'm assuming that if I just lost my parents and am trying to sort out all the things I need to do now, you're pretty much going to be the last item on my mind, if at all. So instead of me calling you to tell you my parents just kicked it, why don't you call me, say once a month or so and ask "Hey, your parents kick it yet? Call it the kick-it call." We all had a good laugh, and she went on her way.
This afternoon, my folks were visiting, and mom was in the middle of cutting my hair (I am no longer a mountain man), when her cell phone rings. She puts down the scissors & picks up the phone. I only hear one side of the conversation-- "Hello? No Jan, thanks for checking, but Dave & I haven't kicked it yet." HA! She actually did it! Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. We'll see if this becomes a monthly habit...

So I just visited the restaurant downstairs, Sticky Fingers, and ordered a barbecue sandwich, probably my favorite item there. I asked my waitress to add cole slaw & onion rings on the sandwich for an extra dollar. She brings my plate out later, and I quickly noticed there was no cole slaw or onion rings. "Um, looks good, but do ya mind adding cole slaw and onion rings?" "Oh right, you did order that, I'll be right back." "Well it was an honest mistake, not a big deal, but I'm super excited that Sticky Fingers has recently adopted the policy that when y'all make an honest mistake like this, free food for me for life! Awesome! Make sure you tell your manager I said thanks for the mistake." We both chuckled and I figured the joke was at the end of it's lifespan. She brought a plate of onion rings & cole slaw to me-- as far as I'm concerned, issue resolved. Easily fixed. Then about a minute later, over the noise, in the background I hear "mumble mumble mumble Jeff mumble mumble Jeff." (this waitress knows my name, as I introduce myself most places I go and ask for my server's name; and I've also been to this Sticky Fingers a few times before-- what, it's downstairs) So I look around to see if someone's badmouthing me or if I misheard Jeff or what the deal is. And there's my waitress actually talking to the manager! When she comes back by, she says "Well, he didn't know about free food for life, but tonight's meal is on us!" "Wait, what? No no no, you brought onion rings & cole slaw, the deal is done." "Hey, be quiet and take it. You're a regular." Okay, so I did. (and their definition of "regular" is way looser than mine) But that just goes to show that there's cases where a sense of humor literally does pay off!

and more news from the disability fringe

2011-07-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

These short bits are amazing! I got word of this since I set up a Google News alert for Josh Blue and he's in this. Read what these disabled athletes are doing!

http://www.skyhidailynews.com/article/20110701/NEWS/110639993/1079&ParentProfile=1067

I have a new hero: Josh Blue

2011-07-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

I forget where I heard about this guy, but there is a stand-up comic by the name of Josh Blue who is only three days older than I am and centers much of his high quality self-deprecating humor on the fact that he is afflicted with cerebral palsy. CHECK HIM OUT! Go, Josh, go! If you don't find yourself funny, what can you laugh at that won't get you in a load of trouble?

breaking Casey Anthony news

2011-07-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

Breaking news: Casey Anthony places a call to 911 in fear of her life...
(dispatcher) "What is your emergency?"
"Please help me, I have a bunch of people trying to kill me."
"Okay ma'am, calm down. What is your name?"
"Casey Anthony."
"Okay Ms. Anthony try to stay calm, an officer will be there in 31 days..."

another quote from Stephen Jay Gould's 'The Panda's Thumb'

2011-07-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

I just liked this paragraph so much, had to share:
"Science contains few outright fools. Errors usually have their good reasons once we penetrate their context properly and avoid judgement according to our current perception of "truth." They are usually more enlightening than embarrassing, for they are signs of changing contexts. The best thinkers have the imagination to create organizing visions, and they are sufficiently adventurous (or egotistical) to float them in a complex world that can never answer "yes" in all detail. The study of inspired error should not engender a homily about the sin of pride; it should lead us to a recognition that the capacity for great insight and great error are opposite sides of the same coin-- and that the currency of both is brilliance."
So now, that opens the door such that when I turn in my take-home test this week, I can remark to my prof Mrs. S. that "My wrong answers-- which I doubt you'll find any-- are merely subtle pointers to the fact that I'm a genius. ;-)" And then since I want an A, ;-) ;-) ;-) for good measure. I might just stand there ;-)ing until she has to go home. Fingers crossed...

THIS IS GONNA HURT. Just so you've heard it at least once...

2011-07-04T22:20:00.000-07:00

Here's a theory I don't think I ever heard in my high school science class. Keep in mind, it's just a theory, much like gravity, or evolution. So it's not proven satisfactorily for all. Still doesn't help me sleep better.

So I'm finishing up reading The Panda's Thumb, a collection of essays on natural history. (things like "Doesn't George W. conclusively prove evolution? His personal evolutionary chain was just missing a few links.") (just kidding, that's not in the book-- it was edited out at the last minute before they went to press) But then something entirely unrelated to the ages old did-humans-start-as-apes argument struck me very hard-- this quote:
"Astrophysicist William A. Fowler argues that the sun will exhaust its central hydrogen fuel after ten to twelve billion years of life. It will then explode and transform to a red giant so large that it will extend past the orbit of Jupiter, thus swallowing the earth." Um, no, wait, hang on there, I missed that, sorry-- come again? I must have had something in my ears, since I thought you just said the sun is going to explode and take the Earth out with it when it goes. Let's see what the next sentence says: "It is an arresting thought to recognize that humans have appeared on earth at just about the halfway point of our planet's existence." YIKES... so I did hear you right. All I know is that from now on, I will always get my food TO GO! There's no time for this "I'm waiting on my Big Mac" lollygagging. And I guess I won't pull any more hair out over my decisions on how to manage my 401k. I feel like throwing a temper-tantrum-- "But I like this planet! It's not fair!"

But, never one to trust the authority of a single source, I turn to my old pal Google, and ask that entity-- I'm actively avoiding calling Google a "him", discussion follows-- "Hey Google, will the sun explode one day?" YIKES AGAIN! So everyone but me knew this! Well... hmmm... two isn't enough, I need at least three crazy people all saying the world's gonna end before I'll buy their sticks of incense, or sun's-collapsing insurance, or whatever else they're hocking. Ooh, I know-- Wikipedia! 'Cause if it's not true there, the power of crowdsourcing will eventually correct it, at least as far as human knowledge currently goes. UH OH, even Wikipedia has a tale of impending doom. Well, not like a next-week kind of impending, not even like my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren's lifespans kind of impending, but still... there seems to be an argument that there may be an actual GAME OVER one day. Huh. Kinda makes me wanna donate my entire paycheck to NASA, along with a note: "DEAR NASA, PLEASE LOOK HARDER INTO HOW TO ESCAPE THIS MOUSETRAP WE CALL EARTH. PLEASE HURRY, WE ONLY HAVE ABOUT 5 BILLION YEARS LEFT-- LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO, MOVE IT!"

p.s. the whole avoidance of calling Google the colloquial "him" is because of this other line from The Panda's Thumb: Maria Montessori (a personal hero) "discussed Manouvrier's work at length and made much of his tentative claim that women, after proper correction of the data, have slightly larger brains than men." Hey, I'll buy that easily-- and given that Google's obviously smart, might wanna think about referring to Google as a "her." :-) I also believe that "proper correction of the data" means a simple test: "does the subject have all of their decisions heavily influenced by testosterone?" No? Then they must have a larger brain. I bet if you looked hard at it, really studied the data, all of the wars ever fought have been driven by testosterone somewhere back at the very beginning. "I bet I can conquer more counties than you can." "OH YEAH?" And we get the Peloponessian war. Or "You play ball like a girl!" And we get the Trojan war.

ha! spell-check foibles

2011-06-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm typing a paper that explains how I modified a toy to make it more accessible a child with special needs. I super-glued some wine bottle tops to pieces of a puzzle, to make them more easily grasped. I'm typing my paper into an OpenOffice text document. (in case you don't know, the OO.org suite is a free replacement for the Microsoft tools to make text documents, spreadsheets, drawings, you name it. Since it's open-source, free equals awesome) Now the reason I chose to use the word grasped above is because I originally wanted to say grippable. But I can't figure out if that's a real word or not-- although it's used on the internet (which proves nothing), two different programs are flagging it as a spelling error, and I don't have the cell phone number of any English professors. But what's amusing is that when I right-clicked grippable in OpenOffice to see what suggestions it had to replace my wayward spelling, it gave me these options:

shippable
flippable
graspable
trappable
undroppable
republican

Ha! I was with them right up until republican-- wha? Huh? Is this some democratic computer programmer's sneaky way of telling me that they think republicans need to get a grip? I'm so confused I'm going to lunch.

so this is how they settle affairs in Wisconsin

2011-06-26T16:39:00.000-07:00

Looking at today's news, at first I didn't notice this was about the Wisconsin Supreme Court-- I thought it was the highest court in the land... but no, them there's about sum o' dem Whiskey-onsin critters... Wow. Is the Jerry Springer show still on the air?

Justices' feud gets physical - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Posted: 25 Jun 2011 11:52 PM PDT

News Tonight

Justices' feud gets physical
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Supreme Court Justice Ann Walsh Bradley late Saturday accused fellow Justice David Prosser of putting her in a chokehold during a dispute in her office earlier this month. "The facts are that I was demanding that he get out of my office and he put his ...
Wisconsin justice accuses colleague of choking herPort Huron Times Herald
Wisconsin justice accuses colleague of choking herCBS 5 - Green Bay
Prosser allegedly grabbed fellow justice by the neckWisconsinWatch.org
Boise Weekly -New York Times
all 690 news articles »

AWESOME-- the government does something right!

2011-06-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

I just got my Google News by email, and look at this story!

New graphic cigarette warnings unveiled - Washington Post

Posted: 21 Jun 2011 05:59 AM PDT

New York Daily News

New graphic cigarette warnings unveiled
Washington Post
The federal government Tuesday unveiled nine graphic images that will be required on all cigarette packs and advertising as part of a powerful new warning strategy. The images include a picture of a man smoking through a tracheotomy hole ...
Graphic new cigarette warnings setMarketWatch
FDA Releases Final Cigarette Warning LabelsWall Street Journal
Dead Body, Cancerous Lungs Will Appear on U.S. Cigarette Packs Next YearBloomberg
CBS News -Doctors Lounge -Louisville Courier-Journal
all 937 news articles »

To see all of them, and how hard-hitting the fight against smoking has finally become, go to the Washington Post article and click on View Photo Gallery under the guy smoking through his tracheotomy hole. Now this is straight up hardcore! Go government! Rah rah rah!

something good... and also stupid

2011-06-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

So I just made something that I'm very proud of. For the Frazee Dream Center, the after-school program I volunteer at, I just made signs for their bathroom walls to go right by the light switch that say "Bathroom lights: on = spending, off = saving." I was all proud of them, I made spending in red and saving in green, and other graphics nifties. It took me about an hour of work with the GIMP, the powerful free Photoshop replacement. People in the surrounding three state often refer to me as "the GIMP genius", and it took me an hour. It was well done.

Then I was walking back to Frazee with my two signs in hand, thinking "Oh yeah, enabling the next generation of hippies, uh huh, that's right, who is the man-- I'm not gonna answer that 'cuz I think we all know the answer, which happens to rhyme with banana-fanna-fo-Feff..." About halfway there I stopped dead in my tracks and realized "Oh WAIT-- why'd I use the GIMP? It's almost like I drew each letter, that's why it took an hour. Aw man, DUH. If I'd just used a word processor like OpenOffice, it would have taken about 5 minutes. Sheesh. Next time I'll just carve them signs out of marble, that shouldn't take long." So the lesson of the day for the home audience, which I'm sure you all have learned years ago, is ALWAYS ENSURE YOU'RE USING THE RIGHT TOOL FOR THE JOB. (yeah, I get to learn basic lessons all over again) Now that being said, I'm getting hungry for lunch, so it's time to go crank up the ol' lawn mower... (please tell me that's the right tool for hunger) ;-)

computer science is like a kindergarten...

2011-06-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

I just realized that the vocational path I'm beginning is ALMOST EXACTLY like the vocational path I was on. (this gets fairly dorky, read on only if you wanna get dorkified; you have been warned)

So I was previously a software developer, almost exclusively in the Java language. Say I was writing a program to mimic and predict classroom behavior. The way Java works is that you write code to define a child: what kinds of properties they have-- they have hair of a certain color, they're a certain height, a certain weight, these interests, those needs, etc., etc.-- and also in what ways you can interact with entities of this sort. This definition is called a 'class', and it acts just like a blueprint. Then you create many instances of that class to make objects. Each object will be defined by the blueprint, just as a single construction blueprint can be used to make many instances of buildings that all function exactly alike. But the thing is that each object can have it's unique (not necessarily so) values for each property defined in the blueprint, and those may modify how it behaves, just as two building with the same blueprint may seem totally different. Say the blueprint calls for a child to have a hair color & a height. I can make two instances of my 'Child' class, which will be two objects called Jack & Jill. I'll give Jack brown hair and 4.5 feet in stature, and make Jill a fiery redhead at 5 feet tall.
Now what has just occurred to me is that this is what I'm in school for-- to learn the attributes and properties that make up the 'Child' class. More than just hair color & height, also items about their needs, etc.-- and I'm not learning about actual children, I'm learning what I might find as I get to know the children. So I'm not learning to deal with objects of the Child class, I'm learning the Child class itself, what a child's needs might be, etc.--- the 'Child' blueprint.
And here is the difference between computer science and the education field-- in computer science, I was the architect: I'd first define the Child class, which is made of what composes a Child and what they're capable of, and then I'd make two objects of the Child class, name them Jack & Jill, and give Jack brown hair & give Jill red, etc., as I desire. That is a designed approach, which implicates there is a designer, which was me as the software engineer. BUT in a classroom, I'm not choosing the properties that make up a child-- "defining the class"-- OR the values for those properties that make up each individual child-- "instantiating an object of the Child class"-- I'll be trying my best to discover what those values are. So instead of me making a Child class, which is the definition of a Child, and then making many instances of my Child class to form my classroom and giving each Child their own unique attributes, NO, it's that I'm learning in school now what the definition of the Child class is, and then later, I'll be presented with many instances of the Child class.

If you aren't totally dorked out by now, it has MUCH to do with this concept: a top-down approach vs. a bottom-up design. Huh! And given that Java is object-oriented, and o.o. languages are bottom-up designs, and a kindergarten is clearly bottom-up, I may have already spent 5 years in training to work in a kindergarten! Cool thought...

I'd like to introduce a new term: replace "teacher" with "educational engineer." Once you buy in that each child represents a collection of processes, then working in the field of education isn't a way to churn out finished products that will forever stay statically in the state they were in when I was done, it's a way to modify the processes already in place, and help new ones get started right. Wow... I'm mildly intimidated... this is starting to sound like it's going to be a harder field to work in. (quit talking, Jeff, you're scaring Jeff) All right, bring it on! I can meet the challenge! I think they oughta start making a 4-year C.S. degree a prerequisite to the Early Child Development 101 class... ;-)

you can't make this stuff up!

2011-06-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

My current summer semester class is Exceptional Children, both gifted & with special needs. Here is a quote from my textbook, I kid you not:
"Identifying Vision Problems:
Warning signs:
* inability to see well"

Wow. YOU DON"T SAY. Wouldn't that kind of be the definition of "vision problems"?

Then it goes on to include another checklist, for determining a different health issue. "Check for the following clinical signs. Does the child bring in assignments sent home? Does the child play with classmates? Does the child react to stimuli? Does the child ever show any signs of movement? Does the child in fact breathe? If the answer to all of these questions was 'no', this child appears to be dead. Do you still not follow? His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-CHILD!!"

(yeah, just kiddin', you know the book didn't say that, but I just had to work in this Monty Python reference-- that's a classic skit. If you haven't seen it, you need to)

I just love it when things make sense...

2011-06-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

... like the names of these two towns on the California/Mexico border, partway here, partway there. But before you look, think about what you would name a town on the California/Mexico border. Not that anyone's asking you to name towns, just if they did... would you have come up with either of these two?

killing time? watch a Duke basketball player gets crazy buckets

2011-05-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Wowsers, I'd hate to play this guy in H-O-R-S-E-- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBSQf0wWiKw&feature=player_embedded
And it even has a cameo appearance by the Almighty K himself!

I am getting SO MUCH better, physically-- FIRST RUN! (outside my gym)

2011-05-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

More physically fit even than Jeff 1.0 ever was! So I've been working at my gym 1-on-1 with a personal trainer for months on the ability to run. Yesterday morning, she cleared me to run outside of her supervision, and this morning I moved from my brand-new walking group (that I've only walked with once) into the running group! YAY! SUCCESS! (it was luck beyond luck that I found this running group, as the ladies in charge are personal trainers almost exactly like the ones at my gym) I'm just excited to be running with the public now!
And, just so y'all know that this is out there, just spreadin' the word, I had my Android cell phone in a camera bag I strapped around my waist, so that I could record the workout with the free CardioTrainer app. That was useful since as I ran, it was talking to me through an earpiece, telling me my current speed and distance covered so far. And it shows me stats about my run afterward, such as total distance, time, calories burned, average speed (even graphs my speed), and even plots my route on a Google Map! I think it's cool, but then again, I'm aware I'm a major dork-- I like anything that can be quantified in numbers. Back to the run, I would run until I thought I needed a break, I'd walk for a bit, I'd go back to running, then walk, etc. etc. But the cool thing was that I stayed right with the group! HECK YEAH!

And then another first this afternoon-- I took a bus up to my old Furman University campus to watch the Greenville Scottish games. That's significant in my world since I think it's the first time I've done something outside the usual rigamarole completely on my own! (side note: the bus even goes to the Furman campus now partly because of me-- about four semesters ago I was attending school at a community college campus (right behind the Furman campus) that wasn't served by the community bus-- I complained long, loudly, and finally got a face-to-face meeting with the right Transit Authority people in charge, and now the bus heads that way!)

the Google science is open!

2011-05-20T19:02:00.000-07:00

This might prove to be cool-- the Google science fair: online & open to students from all over the world. And there is a people's choice award for the entry that is most popular, so you can go read & vote:

http://www.google.com/events/sciencefair/index.html

Now, if you're anything like me, when you read the titles of some of these projects, you were thinking "Yeah, sure this was done by a 13-18 year old. I believe that. I also believe they took the word 'gullible' out of the dictionary." (don't bother checking-- I just did; it's gone)
Some examples from the 13/14 year old category:
"Can anti-cancer agents such as turmeric, cumin, pepper, ginger, hibiscus, and beet used in food inhibit the germination and protein content in the experimental seeds?" What 13 year old uses 'tumeric' in casual conversation?
"Colour Image Edge Detection Using Clifford Algebra" Wait, WHAT? 13/14 year old's are concerned about the upcoming baseball game & if that girl over there wants to be my special enemy! Sure, no parent had a hand in this...
"Control of a Ferrofluid Surface by Varying Magnetic Fields" A -what- surface??? Go outside & play with your brother...
"The Utilization of Gold Nanoparticles for the Treatment of Malignant Prostate Cancer Cells, in vitro" THAT TAKES THE CAKE. THAT WAS FOUND IN THE THIRTEEN/FOURTEEN YEAR OLD CATEGORY. GOOGLE, LOVE YA, MEAN IT, BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CONTACT THE DICTIONARY PEOPLE AND ASK THEM TO REINSTATE 'GULLIBLE' AS A WORD IN THE DICTIONARY, DEFINED AS "SEE THE ENTRIES IN THE 2011 GOOGLE SCIENCE FAIR, WHICH WERE PRESENTED AS 'BY THE CHILDREN'." I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BOUGHT THIS... I DON'T EVER SAY THIS, BUT I'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION: GOOGLE, YOU ARE DUMBER THAN YOU LOOK...

I got to put a good word in for my gym

2011-05-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

Excellent! My gym taped an interview with mom & I about the benefits of using their Speedflex equipment, and has just put it up! If you wanna see it, you can go to www.youtube.com/speedflextraining, then click on Disease Management, and I'm down in the list of videos on the right. (and since when is getting hit by a drunk driver a disease?) OR, you can just go straight to the video.

-=apparently=- I'm "famous" around the bus station

2011-05-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

I came by the transit authority transfer station today to get a new bus map to replace an outdated one. In talking with the woman behind the window, she dropped a sentence that had my name in it. I was like "Woah, wait... how'd you know my... oh wait, are you the email contact person for Greenlink, Sheila <lastName>?"
"Yes I am Jeff."
"Well how did you know who I am?"
"Oh, everyone around here knows who you are."
"WHAT? I mean, cool, but why is that?"
"You're the only one who asks questions."
That was just so cool, had to blog it. Hey, you don't always have to accept things "the way they are."

Eleusis Express: a game that quickly turns harder than it should be

2011-05-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

So I'm always on the lookout for new good, challenging games. Found one a few days ago, thought I'd share. You can play with only two decks of cards and something to keep score on. It's called Eleusis Express, and here are the official rules in case you want to try it, but here's my quick summary and a rundown of what just happened:
One person is the rule-maker, the rest are guessers. The guessers are supposed to have 12 cards each, but we decided that didn't add anything to the game, and let the guesser pick any card they want to play on this turn out of the deck. The rule-maker makes up some rule in their head which some playing cards will fit and some won't. Guesser 1 plays any one card in front of them, and the rule-maker says that it either fits the rule they've concocted, or doesn't. If it fits the rule, it goes next in a row of cards that have been played that fit this rule, and the person who played it gets a chance to guess what the rule is. If it doesn't pass the rule, it's placed immediately below the last card in the row of cards that matched the rule, and there's no guessing the rule.
So we learned pretty darn quick that if you're thinking you want to make up a hard rule, NUH UH, it's too hard. "The next card in the series must be higher than the difference between the previous two cards in the row" IS WAY TOO HARD. Over a few days, we learned that if you make a rule seemingly too easy, you'll be surprised at how hard it is to guess. "If it's a red suit, it must be followed by an even number & vice-versa" = NO. "Is it an odd number" took us many rounds to get through. Not that we're dumb, just that you're trying to correlate so many pieces of information about each card.
And as the rule-maker, it can put you in stitches that they're not seeing this obvious pattern that's RIGHT THERE, right in front of them. "THEY'RE ALL ODD NUMBERS! EVERY SINGLE ONE THAT FAILED WAS EVEN! HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THAT?" (then you play a game as guesser) "Oh, um, never mind."
And just to illustrate that point, I just played a round with my folks. It went as follows:
4 of spades, matches the rule.

Jack of hearts, doesn't match.

2 of clubs, doesn't match.

7 of hearts, doesn't match.

4 of clubs, matches the rule.

Jack of spades, doesn't match.

King of hearts, doesn't match.

4 of clubs, matches the rule.

Ace of spades, doesn't match.

4 of hearts, matches the rule.

4 of diamonds, matches the rule.

4 of hearts, matches the rule.

4 of spades, matches the rule.

4 of diamonds, matches the rule.

And here's where I died laughing when one of my folks blurted "I just can't figure out the pattern!" Finally, ""Um, must be a four?" YES!!! Holy cow! That just proves that the human mind looks for more complexity sometimes than is really there... it's a good game, I recommend it. Just keep in mind this warning: make the rules way easier than you think they should be...

allow me to brag a bit...

2011-05-08T15:01:00.000-07:00

So we all know that I've been all the way down at the very bottom. There was a period where I couldn't eat, couldn't go to the bathroom, couldn't even breathe, those were all handled for me. Once I awoke and had those functionally mastered, there was still nowhere to go but up. That's why it was so nice that the Acceleration Sports Institute got bought by the hospital at just the right time in my recovery, and I was able to effectively use their SpeedFlex equipment without a real risk of injuring myself. So I busted butt. When you're working out there you can wear a heart monitor from Polar, and it shows your heart rate on several TVs on the wall-- but that doesn't really mean much, so in addition it shows you in a large font what percentage that is of your maximum heart rate, 220-your age. So it's nice to be able to look up & see that you're only at 80% of your max. (80% is what's recommended by the American Heart Association as an upper limit) (that's also why it was a bit worrisome when I looked up one time & saw 116% and another time 108%-- "Am I about to die?") So I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but I kinda am. This is an astounding fitness tool, and I take full advantage, and I'm so glad other people have learned of the magic of SpeedFlex-- because of me-- and this one person in particular.
It was so nice when the hospital wanted feedback on the gym they had just bought, and I was invited to speak to the chairmen of all the departments at the hospital, after I'd been attending A.S.I. for about two months. One of the men in the room that day was Doran Dunaway, who suffers from that evil known as Parkinson's disease, and all of you on the Knox side of the family are intimately acquainted with how that affected our beloved Papa.
I'll let Doran tell you how that speech that day affected his life, and the results are astounding. Not just for him, but for Parkinson's sufferers everywhere.
Go to http://www.speedflextraining.com/ and put your mouse over "video clips", then click on "SpeedFlex Benefits". Mr. Dunaway is the first one up there, and you can skip to the 3:00 mark to see how I'm involved, go check out this coolness.
My path from the bottom has helped other people! SWEET!!!

Jeff cheers on Greenlink, round ---

2011-04-26T09:46:00.000-07:00

<email to Greenville Transit Authority, Greenlink>

My bus driver today WAITED AT A STOP until the posted time the bus was supposed to be there! Awesome! And he did so TWICE! So it's not a matter of a policy change like I thought it was, it's a matter of emphasizing to the drivers that they really need to pay attention to the time & the schedule-- I've missed too many buses due to the bus being too early. And given that apparently this is the system that the drivers are supposed to follow, the planned implementation of utilizing a GPS on each bus is incredibly appropriate for that-- yay Greenlink, well done! You've just gained a new champion for Greenlink! Here's hoping the buses that are GPS-equipped arrive soon, and they're utilized to bring Greenlink up to speed!

So, they're working on it. Excellente.

Jeff vs. Greenville Transit Authority, round one

2011-04-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

(this is about Greenville's buses and my newly found interest in being a community activist; you may not care, feel free to skip it)

So yesterday I got a reminder about a meeting that's open to the public and hosted by Greenville Forward, an organization aiming to improve many aspects of life in Greenville. That meeting was titled "Bused Out", and the focus was to be on this question: "How do we build a broken system into a model of high-quality transportation?" Alright! The city recognizes our bus system is decently handicapped, and is opening up conversation about how to improve it! I was not able to make the meeting, as it fell directly during my class time, and in the battle of priorities, school beats civic duty every time. But I realized I could submit my comments via email, and include many people at Greenlink (the transit authority) on the same email, all the way up to the director himself. (even though he's called me once or twice before, we've never met) So I spent several hours writing that one email, trying for the most bang for my buck-- and I ended up sending this off:

Mr. XYZ, I would love to join you at the Momentum Series titled Bused Out, but my weekly class runs until noon-thirty that day. So I'll submit my comments here, I so hope that this can help make a difference. I had planned to bring this to Greenlink's attention again in the future, and if it accomplished nothing then I would have attended a meeting of Greenlink's board, which are open to the public. Instead I'll tell you here and also include all of my Greenlink contacts on this email-- sorry, some of you won't care. So, fair warning, Greenlink folks, if I don't see or hear of forward progress on this issue in the next few months then I'll take it to your board of directors-- but to be fair, you first get a shot at fixing it before I go running to your bosses. But Greenlink folks, please realize that even if you don't hear riders complain about these issues, as of now at least the general public is aware of them.

THE BIGGEST, ACHIEVABLE INSTANT WIN FOR GREENLINK TOPPING MY TO-DO LIST:

What makes Asheville's buses so much more reliable is the fact that you know when the bus will arrive at your stop. What I mean is that when an Asheville bus gets to each and every stop, they'll WAIT THERE until the published schedule says they'll be there. So you KNOW what time you need to be there by. Greenlink, on the other hand, just picks up whoever's at the stop and goes on. So if no one's at this stop, they'll get to the next stop a bit sooner than expected. If no one's at the next stop, they get to the third stop even sooner. Add that up four or five times, and you get a bus coming by that's twenty minutes ahead of when the transit authority said the bus would be there. Which means that even though you were there when the schedule said the bus would be there, oops, sorry, you've got roughly an hour's wait, and for the first twenty minutes you're not even sure you missed the bus so you don't call a taxi-- yuck!

When I yapped about that loudly before, I heard "The bus may be 15 or 20 minutes early or late." So for each ride on Greenlink, I need to make sure my schedule accounts for FORTY minutes of potential waiting time? That's INSANE! And what about the fact that many of my appointments run an hour, or multiples of an hour? So I've gotten used to cutting everything short by at least ten to fifteen minutes, "Because I'm taking Greenlink and never know when they'll get here." (you're definitely not getting good P.R. from me in the current state of affairs) Now true, I've learned over the last few years of Greenlink patronage that some routes have more consistent timing than others, which means that I probably only have a five to ten minute window of waiting time on certain routes... but I don't know that-- with Greenlink that's entirely dependent on ridership, so they might randomly be on time, they might randomly be 20 minutes ahead of schedule. When I must make my next appointment, that's entirely worthless.

There's only two considerations I can see now blocking the adoption of the policy to wait at each stop:

The increase in gasoline use. Yes, so the bus would be waiting at each stop, but how much gas would be used by a bus that's running but not going anywhere? And that's ONLY if it arrives early. I very much bet this would be a very negligible expense, and any expense here would be well worth it since it means that the public might actually be able to believe Greenlink when they say they'll be somewhere at a certain time-- which is pretty fundamental to getting a ride from anybody. "Hey Bob, I was where you said to be when you said to be there, so where were you?" "Yeah, I was 20 minutes early, that happens. Deal with it."
Educating the public. A news article or something could be put out to alert Greenville drivers to the fact that if a bus stops in front of them from this point forward, they'll need to safely go around while watching for people boarding the bus. It's no longer just a pause while folks board the bus, it's a stop until the bus is back on schedule.

Greenlink, you have been notified. If nothing is done about buses being early soon, it will result in an item on the board of directors' agenda. And yes, I know that you plan to use the next bus fleet's GPS systems to catch buses being early, but that depends on two things-- the driver and the GPS-monitoring-person; why catch folks at failure when you can set them up to succeed? Basic trick of a well-run kindergarten... It's just a free policy change and training the drivers on it-- seems easy.

Okay, I just spent so long on that & became so pleased with it, I'm sharing it here. What it signifies is my realization that I can be an instrument of change-- something's broken? Be a good neighbor & help fix it...

(and his name's not really Mr. XYZ-- that's what we in the business refer to as an "alias") ;-)

well that's cool-- I made my gym's YouTube channel

2011-04-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

Today my gym told me that they put several videos of me on their YouTube channel. Huh! Okay, cool. There's really nothing special here that you have to see, it's just me getting a workout. And this was a while ago, I kinda laughed when I saw some of it just now, I've come a long way since then...

The Accelerated Sports Institute's YouTube channel

(my 3 are in the list on the right)

wow-- if you like Rube Goldberg machines...

2011-04-01T16:03:00.000-07:00

... you won't want to miss these.

laughter is contagious

2011-03-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

Scared or amused? I can't seem to make up my mind!

eep-day oughts-thay

2011-03-14T23:05:00.000-07:00

Why isn't it known as ig-pay atin-lay? That would make too much sense?

Google Car, take 2

2011-03-05T23:18:00.000-08:00

Man alive, this is gonna be cool! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGvHahR_ZKQ

feast your eyes...

2011-03-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

... on some videos mom found.

The fountains of Bellagio. This really is quite beautiful, I've watched it several nights in a row. If you've never seen it, be a virtual tourist.
I'm loving the fact that this guy doesn't commit the cardinal sin of taking himself too seriously. (of course, he also knows all the pickpockets in town, so sure, keep your eyes on this fool cop making a spectacle of himself, don't worry AT ALL about that guy standing uncomfortably close behind you or the Italian child that keeps "accidentally" bumping into your pockets and then running to give something to some swarthy bearded Tunisian...) (no offense to the Tunisians, I just picked someone at random)
You aren't blown away by the abilities children display? NOW are you? Watch all the way through, it's highly amusing how into it he gets. Hey, bud, I hear Def Leppard is looking for a new drummer. (not really, 'cause that guy's drive to achieve mirrors, nay trumps, mine. I don't mean to put myself down, I just can't claim I've sold 20 million of anything worldwide. He's like "aww, so you have double vision, poor you, waaah waaah waaah, you're leaving me High 'n' Dry")

ramblings: America's "Funniest" Videos & Neti-pot

2011-03-05T12:16:00.000-08:00

1) Last night it got to be 10:00 and I hadn't eaten dinner, hadn't even been home for hours. So I stopped in at Sticky Fingers to see what they have that's fast & cheap. (like I don't already know) So while I was eating, the chair I sat in directly faced the large TV at the end of the bar. So as a rare treat, I watched some TV. And remembered why I don't get cable TV at home.
   The show that was on was America's Funniest Video's. So I'm watching... clip one is some kid (like 4 years old) doing something that wasn't that smart-- I forget what it was-- and he ends up getting hurt and bawling loudly. They cut to the show's host, and he's laughing, makes a joke, and the audience laughs even harder. WAIT, WHAT???  I mean, yes, if an adult had done that, it would be mildly amusing to some people since an adult really oughta know better. THE KID'S FOUR YEARS OLD, CUT HIM SOME FREAKIN' SLACK!
   So then I'm watching the next clip... SAME THING.  Child does something dumb, child gets hurt, child cries, audience laughs. One of an adult doing something dumb & getting hurt. Next clip, back to the kids. Repeat ad infinitum. HOW SICK IS THAT? It's not like the kids have a chance of knowing any better! I mean, COME ON! I got angry enough to go ask the bartender to change the channel. If I knew what items were advertised on that show, I'd boycott 'em, just so the those companies start to feel some pain. Not so funny any more, IS IT? Shouldn't have had your advertisement run during a show where kids get hurt and everyone thusly laughs! (did I just make up 'thusly'? what did I mean? forethou? whilely? why is my spellcheck throwing a conniption fit? why do 'conniption fit' & 'duck fit' mean the same thing? do ducks commonly have conniptions? am I divagating?)

2) So ANYWAY, I started to catch a cold last week. I hate that. Last time I had a full-blown cold, I made out my will and made sure my next of kin were on standby. I hate it so much... get ready... I ACTUALLY bought a Neti pot! Growing up, I've always hated the Neti pot with a vile distaste. I mean, here's a device that looks all sweet and innocent, all ready to help you get your sinuses cleared... by POURING WATER UP YOUR NOSE INTO YOUR -=BRAIN=- WHERE IT SLOSHES AROUND BEFORE SOME OF IT-- NOT ALL-- OOZES BACK OUT THROUGH YOUR OTHER NOSTRIL.  "You're acting kinda strange today, like you've got water on your brain. Oh no-- Neti pot again? Didn't you learn your lesson last time? You barely survived..." I've often heard that Shi'ite warriors, when captured & faced with the choice of the Neti pot or torture before death, they choose torture and death every time, and quickly too. (if there's any Shi'ite warriors reading this blog, I mean no disrespect to you or to whatever notion of a deity you currently hold OR to the solemn state of [wherever] you hail from-- go in peace)
   But it shows how much I'm a changed man-- I just BOUGHT a Neti pot. I use it TWICE a day now. Well, while I'm still congested-- it's not like it's that fun. It's pretty sweet. I'd recommend it. I'd recommend it to my friends, not my enemies. Well, I'd recommend it to my enemies also, if they were congested. Then I'd run back to my friends & have a laugh. "Can you believe I just did that? They're gonna be in so much pain! Now please hand me my Neti pot." :-) (I've spent 5 minutes trying to work through if that makes sense-- ah shucks, blog it)

people I don't even know are proud of me!

2011-03-04T16:50:00.000-08:00

ALLOW ME TO BRAG:

   As I was leaving the Acceleration Sports Institute today, all of the trainers were talking to this one gentleman I've never seen before. As I passed, he said "Good job Jeff, I'm proud of you, keep it up."
   Me: "Ah, thanks... um... have a good... day." (I almost said "I'm proud of you too," but thought better of saying that to a total stranger-- it's a good thought, but I can't back it up) So I motioned with my head for Ginnie, who'd been my trainer today, to join me on the side. Whispering: "Ginnie, who's that?"
     "That's Al Miller, coach."
"What sport?"
     "NFL guy extrordinaire. Denver Bronco's, New York Giants, Atlanta Falcons..."

"And all he knows about me is that Greenville News article on the wall? Wow..."

"Well, no. We talk about you to special people. He's special people."

"Oh cool! Thanks!"

So I go look him up. Huh, she's right. Well that was kinda cool. People I don't even know are proud of me. And it's people who know all about perseverance & overcoming obstacles! I think I just completed a New Year's resolution from my childhood.

http://www.nflhspd.com/ask-coach-miller/

Now to get to working on my other childhood resolutions: a functional skyscraper made entirely of balloons (BB guns not allowed within 5 city blocks), a free pill that painlessly converts your earwax entirely into healthy edible chocolate while you sleep, and special glasses that seem normal but let you visualize it in color when other people pass gas. (imagine wearing them during a presidential speech) (yes, if you can't tell, I'm entering the four-year-old stage again-- hey, it was fun the first time...)

My story's making the rounds without my knowledge! Sweet!

2011-03-02T14:12:00.000-08:00

So the other day, I wasn't feeling well, so I went to get some hot soup somewhere. I ended up back at Lemongrass, the Thai restaurant. At the end of the meal, I asked the waitress "So I've seen you a bunch before, right?"
   --"Yes."
"I expect I probably told you my story about 8 or 9 times."
   --"No, only once."
"That's surprising-- it seems like most folks heard it at least five times before I got it into my head that they'd heard it."
   --"But I've been retelling it, since it's such a strong don't drink AND drive story."
HOW AWESOME IS THAT!?!? Other people are telling my story for me! That makes it exponentially more powerful to hopefully save lives!

Hilarious photo booth

2011-02-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

Aunt Linea scores twice in one day! (I wrote "strikes twice," then thought wait, no...) Nice find again! Just silly humor here...

What's a solar highway? The answer we're looking for...

2011-02-26T19:44:00.000-08:00

Slick! What if the road by your house generated all the electricity for your house? It's starting to be able to! Check it out! Thanks, Linea, for finding that! Once that's up & running, all we need to add is electric Google Cars, and all kinds of crises get solved!

strange bedfellows: two ordinary sports oddly combined

2011-02-25T16:06:00.000-08:00

The March 2011 edition of Wired magazine has a short blurb that almost missed my attention, then "Wait, wha-- WHAT??" The sport that you'd bet you'd never see has become a reality-- CHESSBOXING. Seriously. So these are the smart jocks. These are the ones who take a break from beating each other's brains with a nice round of beating each other's brains. Ah, relaxing, good times, good times...

Don't believe me? Look here.

And then I HAD to see it to believe it.

(well, I couldn't get any of these videos to load right now, maybe you can)

You know, the next sport I predict we'll see, based on this, is "Death by calculus," maybe called "calcu-hyper-lus." (which will soon lead to the "calcu-hyper-MORE" series) It'll be where math folks get together, remove all jewelry, strip down to tight-fitting clothing (perhaps that's what they were already wearing), stretch, limber up, face the opponent, square off, get into a low ready-for-anything stance... and then out-derive each other. When your theoretical equations blow your opponent's mind, thus he/she dies, YOU WIN. I'm not seeing a large pay-per-view audience, unless it's only shown in university campus math buildings, and you consider tuition to be what the audience pays to see this spectacle. But heck, I'D pay to watch someone scribble so madly on a chalkboard that it results in cardiopulmonary resuscitation right behind them... wouldn't you? ;-)

Google Car-- well, we'll see if this works

2011-02-20T06:36:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of the Google Car yet? We're still a long way away from seeing it on the roads (outside of test drives), but it has high potential. It's a car that drives itself. (more details) Man, if I had one of those, no more of this "stops at 6:30pm", "only come once an hour", "doesn't run at all on Sundays" Greenville Transit Authority NONSENSE. So let's see if I can get in on this racket and help them sell it:

Google Car pitch

children/altruism

2011-02-14T18:08:00.000-08:00

This comes from my textbook, Creative Activities for Young Children, ninth edition, by Mary Mayesky. When I read it, I was just blown away. Awesome!

"According to a Yiddish proverb, "If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm." A study from the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, offers another place to find a helping hand-- children and chimpanzees. Researchers developed several scenarios in which an adult was struggling with a problem and needed help. In one such scenario, an adult accidentally dropped objects on a floor and was unable to reach them.
Felix Warneken and Mike Tomasello found that children as young as 18 months willingly and spontaneously helped complete strangers in several tasks. "The results were astonishing because these children are so young-- they still wear diapers and are barely able to use language," says Warneken. "But they already show helping behavior."
Going to some effort to help someone, without any benefit to yourself, is called altruism. So far, only humans are proven altruists, but never before has this ability been shown in children so young who have not yet developed much in the way of language skills. The study shows that even infants without much socialization are willing and able to help spontaneously.
But is altruism unique to humans? Warneken also conducted the same helping tasks with human-raised chimpanzees. Although the chimpanzees did not help with more complex tasks, they did help when their human caretaker was reaching for something. These new findings show that rudimentary form of altruistic behaviors are present in our closest evolutionary relatives. "This is the first experiment showing altruistic helping toward goals in any nonhuman primate," says Warneken. "It has been claimed chimpanzees act mainly for their own ends, but in our experiment, there was no reward and they still helped" (Max Planck Society, 2006)."
HOW COOL IS THAT???

take part in government... it's YOUR government

2011-02-12T19:17:00.000-08:00

So a while back, I found http://www.opencongress.org, the free/easy way to keep track of what's going on at the national level, on the issues that matter to you. Check it out.

Then today, they sent me an email saying they've gone local. Aha! OK, right on! I haven't even tried it yet, just spreading the word on a new way to get involved. This new one makes it clearer what's going on at the federal, state, city, and all the way down to the local levels! (neighborhood block associations) Check out opengovernment.org!

the dangers of Facebook

2011-02-10T16:55:00.000-08:00

OK, so I don't like Facebook, and I only have an account there since it was useful to me as I learned about my own life after the "car incident." "Oh yeah, I do know them... and them..." These days though, I never go there. "So your Facebook status says that you just moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer, and are about to go blow your nose-- WHY DO I CARE?" But this link was included in the Kiwanis newsletter I just got, and I wanna pass it along to any Facebook'ers. http://www.tvkim.com/watch/654/kim-on-komand-what-you-should-never-say-on-facebook

NOT A SPOOF: death by armed rooster

2011-02-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, just sometimes, there's a news article you just gotta share. Voilá, your dinner is served:

Death by armed rooster

Mission Impossible squirrel

2011-02-07T19:37:00.000-08:00

My aunt just sent me this video, and it's GREAT!
http://www.break.com/usercontent/2010/5/17/mission-impossible-squirrel-1839035

And it's not the only one of it's kind either...
http://www.google.com/search?q=mission+impossible+squirrel&tbo=p&tbs=vid:1&source=vgc&aq=0&oq=mission+impossible+squir
(or maybe it's all the same one, I didn't bother to thoroughly investigate)

Time magazine picks the 50 best inventions of the year

2011-02-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

This is pretty cool stuff! My favorites:

#50: Kickstarter, which funded #49

#49: EyeWriter

#47: Power-Aware Cord

#32: Deep Green Underwater Kite

#31: Google's Driverless Car

#25: eLegs Exoskeleton

#21 Electric-Car Charging Stations, #20 Antro Electric Car, #19 Edison2, #18 The Straddling Bus, & #17 Road-Embedded Rechargers

#2: The (Almost) Waterless Washing Machine

Go see the whole list at time.com/bestinventions

... followed by yet another filled-to the rafters but AWESOME day

2011-01-20T17:47:00.000-08:00

What made today so great? It was my first class in the early childhood development program that involved actual early children developing-- the first lab class. This morning was the classroom part where we discussed do's & don't's, followed by a break of a few hours, then the actual lab with actual children-- the first time I've interacted with kids after 2 semesters building up to this.

Man that was a blast-- it ended up mostly being "Just play with the kids on our very cool playground"-- and seeing as how I'm 3.5 again, I CAN DEFINITELY DO THAT. It was an absolute joy.

BUT THE COOLEST PART OF TODAY-- NAY, THE DECADE-- WAS WHEN WE HAD JUST GONE OUTSIDE. The children were still putting on their jackets, and one girl tapped my leg and asked "Would you help me zip my jacket?" "Of course, sure! Here..." <I try, and my ataxia acts up and my left hand shakes so much I cannot complete the task, can't even get the zipper started> "I'm sorry sweetie, my left hand shakes so much that I can't do this, let's find another adult to help."
She looked at me, this 4 or 5 year old, and said very matter-of-factly, "Yes you can." So then I just had to give it the ol' college try... and I did it no sweat! THAT WAS SO AWESOME FOR SO MANY REASONS!!! THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME A CRUCIAL LESSON THAT I NEEDED! THAT JUST FILLED MY HEART WITH JOY-- SHE HAD ENOUGH CONFIDENCE IN ME THAT IT JUST WORKED! HOW INCREDIBLY COOL IS THAT?!?

that was a busy day

2011-01-19T19:44:00.000-08:00

Wow it's been a day:

I took the 8:30 bus: I know, I know, waa waa waa all the way home... but hey, it's a matter of what you're used to, and I'm used to my mornings being free until the 2:30pm bus. This semester which just started, my schedule got flip-flopped.
After the gym, I got off the bus at home and was walking through the bus station when an elderly lady in front of me took a misstep off the curb when she didn't mean to step off the curb at all, and took a nasty fall, blood gushing out of her head and everything. Myself and another fellow witnessed it, and I told him "stay with her while I get help." So I ran over and got them to call an ambulance. As we waited by her side for the ambulance, about three bus station employees filed past saying variations on "There goes Jeff again, pushing old ladies off sidewalks..." That's pretty funny, as long as they were joking. Either they know that they can kid around with me, or I have a reputation of ill repute. Hmmm...
So then I walked straight to the bus administrative offices, I was planning to anyway, to set up an appointment to give them my page-and-a-half of notes/feedback on ways to improve this town's bus service, because believe you me, it needs major improving. She told me "Well, I could set up an appointment, or there's a board meeting next Monday that the public's invited to. "Oh, even better, please write down the time and address." "OK, but better yet, can I email it to you? Hey wait a minute... aren't you schoolofhardknox?" "Uh oh, wow... well, the answer to that question depends on your answer to this question. Does schoolofhardknox owe you money?"
Then as I made the trek back home, some random lady driving the other direction was honking her horn at me and waving. Um, hi stranger, yes, agreed, it is a nice day. Partially the lack of recognition was due to the fact that I just caught a glimpse as she sped by, partially it was since I saw her out of context, which has become so important. Since I've met 84,000 people in the last few years, if I don't have contextual clues to clue me in.. yeah, guess what-- you're probably a stranger. OR perhaps I just live in a friendly southern town, and she really WAS a stranger...
And then, as I was walking home from the Greenlink offices, I figured my legs could use a nice seat, so I stopped for a meal at The Overlook Grill halfway home. After I ate on the patio overlooking the falls, I went inside for something, and a waitress passing by said "Hi Jeff, how are you?" "Um, good, thanks, sorry but who are you?" She told me her name (removed from the blog post to protect the innocent) and said "Oh, it's okay, I know, we all know you." WOW. That right there made me realize something-- my goal throughout my therapies was to "get back to normal." But the story of what I've been through is such a gut-wrencher, I'LL NEVER BE "NORMAL." And that's a good thing, if I can hopefully inspire others to always try to rise above their disabilities. Because face it, we ALL have disabilities, we just don't have names for all of them.
AND THEN, I walked along the Swamp Rabbit Trail along the riverside to the zoo. (and learned an important life lesson: before walking almost a mile, DO NOT drink 3 Diet Cokes) I got to the zoo and found a child there hopping around some rocks at the base of a tree. I said "Sir, please don't do that, it's very dangerous." The mom gave me a thumb's-up, and I rushed to the bathroom. After I came out, I was right behind them on the trail again, so I asked the mom if I could deliver a warning about that behavior. She said sure, so: "Sir, let me tell you about the dangers of playing on rocks. I was doing that, when my foot slipped and I hit my head so hard I entered a five-week coma. Do you know what a coma is? <"no"> It's when you're asleep and you can't wake up. I couldn't do ANYTHING, I couldn't even breathe on my own. See this scar? That's where the hospital had to breathe for me, I couldn't even breathe on my own. So, just please be careful." Yeah, I know I know, not really, but when you have as useful a tool as a tracheotomy scar and they're not gonna know the difference, (unless they read this blog, uh oh) why not put the scar so painfully won in battle to good use?
AND THEN, I go to Publix to get my notebook for class that starts tomorrow. I walk in, a bell goes off and everyone starts cheering & clapping. I figured it wasn't for me, since they were all looking the other way. So I asked a manager standing nearby what was that all about? It was some charity thing. But, she said, we're getting those vitamins you asked for. HOLY HECK, HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT WAS ME? "Well, when you asked for them and I couldn't find them in our computer, then when you came back you brought a bottle so I could scan the UPC. No one ever does that, it made an impression." (it was the Publix brand of vitamins being sold at Publix, thus the cheapest, thus "START STOCKING AGAIN!")

It's 10:44, I just finished dinner, and now I'm going to make sure all my stuff is packed for school tomorrow. WHEW...

it's fun being 3.5 again

2011-01-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

And this time around, I have enough sense & awareness that I can recognize I'm having fun, and that that is important! (like the recent snow-tubing incident)

So this Festivus, I got a table coaster, and it says "WHAT IF THE HOKEY POKEY REALLY IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT?" Ha! Good call! What if it is? And after having the coaster on my living room table for two weeks, (well, I live in a studio apartment, so maybe that should be "on my... room table") I was looking at it, and thought "You know, actually, I don't know what the hokey pokey is." So I emailed my parents-- "What would ya say the hokey pokey is?" They simply pointed me to Youtube. I got the email on my cell phone while I was sitting in a local coffee shop. Since Android phones also include Youtube, I was able to play it right there. So I walked over to a table of the younger crowd, (I knew some of them as coffee shop employees) and asked them to watch and ensure I did the steps correctly. (boy did they get a kick out of that) And it occurred to me-- the dang lyrics have always been wrong! I can't figure out what the hokey pokey step actually IS! "You put your XYZ in, you put your XYZ out, you put your XYZ in and you shake it all about!" Okay, good so far. "You do the hokey pokey AND you turn yourself around..." Okay, stop right there. The way I know "and" is that it conjoins two things. So when I asked what you do at "you do the hokey pokey" the answer was "you turn yourself around." So then THAT MEANS that the lyrics equate to "you turn yourself around, and you turn yourself around." DUDE, I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! Doesn't this bother anyone that we're teaching tomorrow's leaders that it's OK to turn off their ears the first time? "It doesn't really count or matter unless it gets repeated."

And then a new friend-in-the-making randomly sent me the all time classic: MAHNA MAHNA. It's possible for anyone to feel what it's like to be a kid again. What fun silliness.

Riley vs. "snow", round 2

2011-01-11T16:32:00.000-08:00

Dad told me this story on the phone, and after I got some breath back from laughing so hard, I said "Write that into an email so I can blog it." Voila, your dinner is served:

"So Riley was having a hard time walking in the snow today because there was a layer of ice on top of the snow. So when I called her in from on top of the driveway, she came running full speed down the driveway. She was going so fast, her front feet were still moving, but her back legs weren't --- they were just sliding along the top of the snow. Finally, she picked up so much speed, her front legs couldn't break through the ice fast enough, so she just pulled those legs up too and started sliding down on her belly with all 4 legs spread out and a look of panic/confusion on her face! She ended up coming to rest right by my legs, stood up, shook herself off, and coolly and calmly moseyed on in to the house!"

Riley, have a snow day

2011-01-10T12:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the flood of posts, but this is just awesome-- unbridled joy at the curiosity of a new thing: dog meets snow

oh man, that was FUN: sledding

2011-01-10T12:01:00.000-08:00

So recently it was <some day of the week>, January 5th, 2011. That is my cousin's son Isaac's 1st birthday. So I called, got to sing a song to the little booger, and other sappy stuff. Oh yeah, and also talked to Brad & Danae. I heard from them of a recent snowfall. Brad, Mr. Ski Bunny, (maybe whoops, is that a female term? sorry Brad. somebody please leave a comment yes/no; if yes it's a female thing, then I meant to use Mr. Ski Sledgehammer) was saying how beautiful it was. I think I gave Brad my best advice, something like "You need to seek help for that cocaine problem since you like snow so much, northerner."

Fast-forward to last night. It started snowing last night around 1:36am. Not that I would know that, just purely a random guess. (and if you'll buy that, then I have all kinds of other goods you might like)  This morning, I thought "Nice day for a walk." And this shivers me timbers, I got set to do it; I already had hat & gloves on, I was like "I am so ready for snow, bring it on, big bad snow, I got yo' numba. This snow ain't even gonna know what hit it, it'll be tapping out of the ring." (I cannot believe I just used a WWE reference, -5 points for Jeffy)  I got halfway down the hallway to the elevator, and actually thought "Oooh, wait it's going to be cold. I apparently stink at regulating my own body temperature." Like that homeless lady who calls me Mr. Blue Lips since I didn't know how cold I was that day. So I ACTUALLY turned around, spent 45 minutes taking off my outer layer of clothing (I'm not very efficient, I need to take a class from Rupert Baxter), and donned thermal underwear. (then I was like "Hey, Don, give those back!") THE FACT THAT I'M GETTING SOME SENSE BACK MADE THAT GREAT.  (on the other hand, I might still try to write in a vote for W. in the next election, but that's a topic for another day)

So all thermal underwear'ed up (with other clothes on top, what do you take me for), I walked down Main St., with a big grin on my face. "Huh, Brad was right, the world did just get a fresh start. It feels so clean. It looks like a sinner's conscience after church." (I'm not saying that it's okay to do wrong, just that they then feel OK for having wronged) As I got further down Main, a guy and a girl passed with the lids to giant trash cans in their hands, I said something to them, probably about stealing more subtly, and they were like "Do you know any hills around here?" Hmmm, first thought was 'do I know a Mr. Hill?' I'm not a smart man... sometimes what I think is a hill is a building, or a a person, or a freakin' cold-as-ice river. (that was not a fun day) But I remembered one of the biggest lessons I've learned in the last few years: there's probably a resource to help you if you just look around (in the appropriate place) and ask.  Oh, right! So I started with mom & dad, "Hey do you guys know of any hills in Greenville County? These two young punks wanna know. [that'll get me in trouble one day, they laughed] Oh, right, and good morning." "Well, there's that hill in Falls Park, which, I can tell by the background noise, is 3 blocks from where you're currently standing." (I didn't get that "smart" gene, I got the "smile & wave, look cute & cuddly" gene-- I bet mine carries me further)

So I accompany the young punks, purely for the chance to do scientific experimentation-- I'm also writing a term paper on what makes yellow snow. ;-) We get to Falls Park, and there's a half-dozen sledders going at it already. My two trash-can buddies go at it. I decline with a "I'm not supposed to be doing sports that involve movement, as that could be hazardous to my health." After a few minutes, I call my folks, who say "GO FOR IT." So I asked if I could use a lid since they were now just watching the other sledders. "SURE, have at it!" Oh, cool. Oh right, it never hurts to ask.  So I sat down on one... and got nervous. So I turned to the crowd and enlisted help-- "Alright everybody together now! 10, 9"-- "9, 8, 3, 2, 1!"  (I later went back and suggested to that lady that she look into remedial math; no joke, it sounds funny but I seriously did, that's gonna cause her problems in later years, especially in calculus; you need to master elementary math)
So, I wouldn't say I've got sledding mastered, as I flipped halfway down the hill, and rolled off the sled onto my back with my legs in the air like an upside-down Y. That's as far as that story is gonna go. I'm only gonna claim "I was pushed, ref!" So then a fellow said "Here, try this sled instead." I tried it. It was fun. Nothing humorous happened. (odd)

But all in all, I HAD FUN.  It was nice to be a kid again.

p.s. there is no homeless lady who calls me Mr. Blue Lips-- it just seemed to be a nice touch, and who complains about a nice touch?

that was amusing-- my kindergarten teacher & a peek into the Knox household

2011-01-09T19:38:00.000-08:00

So I'm learning more & more how much of an impact your kindergarten teacher has on your life. I've heard tell of folks who went back to revisit their kindergarten teachers in adult years. And I'm thinking, "My life has turned out so amazingly well, and has taught me that it's SO worth it to be more than a decent person, to go out of your way to go the extra mile... I'd like to revisit my kindergarten teacher, and say a big THANK YOU for putting me on the right path!"

Well, there's a problem with that plan. I sorta don't remember much before May 26 2007. I attended kindergarten before May 26 2007. Hmmm... quandary. Ooh, got it-- I may not know, but my folks certainly do!

<ring ring> dad: "Hello?"

Jeffy: "How's it going. Okay, enough chit-chat, down to business. I'd like to know who my kindergarten teacher was, probably go revisit him or her when we're in Asheville next year for my "don't drink and drive" speech at the high school. So who was it?"

dad: "Oh, there's no need to do all that traveling."

Spunky: "Oh yes there is."

dad: "Well, you actually know who it was."

Buzz Lightyear: "That's just it-- I don't have a clue."

dad: "Here'a BIG HINT-- I'm married to her."

Jazz: "MOM WAS MY KINDERGARTEN TEACHER?!? Oh man, now I feel really bad about trying to get her arrested for the drug habit. At least the cop thought I was joking, though."

true story: a few years ago, I did try to get a cop in McDonald's to arrest mom "for her drug habit." Little thought was given to 'reasonable cause for suspicion.' I randomly walked up to a cop in line and said "Pardon me sir, would you please arrest my mom for drugs?" The fuzz didn't bite. Good thing, too, as although I tried to get her locked up in the big house by ol' Smokey, have her bunkin' down with Big Sue, "for her drug habit", there is no drug habit. At least, no non-prescription drug habit. At least, no non-prescription drug habit that we have evidence of. This "joke" has been running rampant in my immediate family ever since that day. It came out of left field, too-- "Hey, there's a cop, lemme just go see what happens if I get mom arrested for drugs for no reason whatsoever." I'm probably gonna be cooking my own meals next time I stay at their house, for blogging this. Next time this opportunity presents itself though, I'm gonna play it smarter and use "Pardon me, would you please arrest my-- that lady over there-- for drugs?" Every time we've seen a cop since, mom's shoulders get visibly tight... my prediction is that I pull one of these stunts again, and she just flat-out starts booking it. So the cop will hear "Will you please arrest this lady" followed by the lady high-tailing it... that would be the "do not pass go, do not collect $200" path for that lady.

IMPORTANT if you drink alcohol and get an Android phone

2011-01-06T20:00:00.000-08:00

So I went by my favorite pizzeria on the way home for a diet coke and to say hi to friends. The lady two barstools down from me had an Android cell phone on the bar that said in a font so loud I could read it, "BAC level 1.19" I was like "Excuse me, what is THAT?"

It was the "Blood Alcohol" app on Android phones. You simply push a button for each alcoholic drink you consume, telling it what kind of alcohol it was, and it makes you aware of your blood alcohol level, which goes up over time as your body digests more alcohol.

If only we had THAT in May '07. Please, if you drink alcohol, and you ever end up with an Android cell phone (highly recommended), you NEED this app. She said there's several that do the same thing. Find the one on the Market you like, you can try each app for [some unknown time] and still get a full refund, and then use it. It may save your life.

And then... I started to tell her why I'm so interested, and she says "Oh, I know your story. Heard about it from my friend Mia who's a waitress at the Handlebar." (an old weekly haunt of mine) HOLY HELL! I cannot leave this town, it's just too good to be already famous to people you don't even know... (well, sorta, apparently, I've met her about 4 times in the last few years)

Mindflex

2011-01-04T18:08:00.000-08:00

   So this Xmas, I got an insanely cool game, both insanely cool to us uber-geeks, and insanely cool to "normal folk"-- Mindflex.  [official website, lots of cool stuff there] You play by putting on a headband and clipping a sensor to each ear lobe. The headband has two sensors on your forehead. These sensors read the brain waves produced by, well, your brain. If you're relaxed, you're not producing the kind of brain waves it senses. If you're concentrating hard on something, anything, you're producing lots of this kind of brain waves that the sensors can pick up on. So this headband talks wirelessly to the board, where there is a fan blowing straight upwards. The speed of the fan is directly controlled by how hard you're concentrating. Cool!  This fan can be rotated left/right around a circular path by a knob on the board. And the last piece is that there is loose lightweight ball you can place on the circular mesh track the fan moves under.
   So rotate the fan directly underneath the ball, concentrate hard on something, and STAND BACK JACK-- you just made the fan blow hard, which raised the ball to a height that corresponds directly with your level of concentration. You can think "I want the ball to rise up to right there", and it WILL, if you concentrate at the right level.  Then, when you get distracted (it happens, "floating ball, floating ball, float-- OOH SQUIRREL!!!"), your concentration level drops, and the fan blows less hard, thus the ball floats less high, maybe drops to the board. So you can float a ball all the way around the circle with your mind!
   And then to make it challenging, there's all kinds of pieces you can snap onto the board in any configuration above the circular mesh track that the fan moves under as obstacles.  And it has several games built in, such as "mental marathon" which times how long it takes you to complete the circuit, then you can pit your time against someone else who plays the exact same obstacle configuration.
   And with a very hard setup, I managed to squeak out a 3:12. TAKE THAT, SQUIRREL! Here, wanna see me play? [Youtube video]