'tis just a flesh wound

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKhEw7nD9C4

ah, forgot to say this

You might think you know what the GREATEST THING EVER is... ha. Emphasis is on the word "think." I do know, and mine's provable. You might say "hitting a home run to win the game" or any one of a million things that you THINK are so good. Ha. Laughable. All subjective, not objective.

And now... ladies and gentlemen... drum roll please... IT'S... tiki tiki ta ta... KNOWN... tiki tiki ta ta... AS... tiki tiki ta ta... Lidocaine. Sweet nectar of the gods. Roman gods, not the Greek pansies. When the eye doc was putting in stitches, I asked "So are you about to puncture me with a needle?" His answer: "I already have." SWEEEEEET.

skiing... part 2 ("Ski Patrol")

So less than a week later, we headed back up there to hit the slopes. (and I do mean "hit") I was encouraged by my end-of-day successes last time. So we get our boots, skis & poles and head to the start of the bunny slope to put them on. Left toes in, check, left heel, check. Right toes, fall. Wait a minute, who wrote this script? This isn't what I read in the test-screening. Overall, no big deal, we started skiing.

So to get the feel back, we started down the GENTLY sloping field they call the bunny slope. Two runs down it & I was feeling in good enough form to move up to the Beginner slope. First half went fine, I was working on going from fast to slow and back again. Fine, fine. THEN I went to turn right & started to fall. Whoops, so I planted my right ski pole in the snow ahead & to the right. That placement WOULD'VE been fine... except that's right where I was falling. The handle-side of the pole went up under my ski goggles and glasses & pretty much did a number on my right eye (the already-injured one). There were no mirrors around, so I couldn't know that I was gushing blood like Old Faithful. All I could feel was INTENSE pain.

My folks were right behind me, and many kind folks asked what they could do as I lay there writhing around. What they did was get Ski Patrol. Thanks! (And while Ski Patrol Steph was laboring over my face, her lips were so close to mine & she was so cute... the "This magic moment, when your lips are close to mine..." song from the pool scene of The Sandlot kept playing through my mind... but I needed help, no time for kissy-kissy) So THAT'S what it's like to take a ride down in one of their sleds. At the Ski Patrol headquarters, the cuts got mopped up a bit, and they recommended an eye doc nearby & an Urgent Care center for a tetanus shot. (where I don't think they know the definition of "urgent")

So we went to the eye doc, who already knew we were on the way. I gotta tell ya, it's not real inspiring to hear him mutter as he examines your eye "I don't know if that's a new or old injury", since that eye already has severe damage from the wreck.

Overall, we think now it was just skin cuts. The bone structure around the eye kept the pole from going IN or THROUGH the eye-- whew. And it may be because I've been mostly keeping ice on it, but no pain since the initial kill-me-now pangs.

So I'm thinking Prone might make a good new nickname, short for accident-prone. And if anybody remarks about my black eye, I'll just say "This ain't nothin' compared to what I did to the other guy."

me vs. a mountainful of snow

Wow. We just got back from a full day in Maggie Valley, NC at Cataloochie Ski Resort. Yes, I skied. Yes, I was horrid. BUT, yes I got much better. Now I haven't skied in YEARS. And yes, they're writing a 3-part mini-series about my balance issues (with Catherine Zeta-Jones & Brad Pitt). So why not? I found out why not. I had a choice of the Beginner Slope or the Bunny Slope (really more of a field that KINDA slanted down)-- so having been a skier before the wreck, I chose the Beginner Slope. Whoops. Yeah, I fell... a FEW times (I counted, it was every 4.2 microseconds). And each fall was about 20 minutes of wrestling with my skis & boots to get back upright. And EVERY... SINGLE... TIME I would require help from a parent (or twice, friendly bypassers) to get back on my feet. There was MUCH wailing & gnashing of teeth. So first things first-- remove the 840 pounds of thick warm-- nay, hot-- protective clothing. I was getting so much of a heat stroke I had to just sit in the car for a while. Perhaps that's why I downed 2 whole bottles of water on top of a Coke.

So I moved to the Bunny Slope next. Still falling about 2-3 times per run and each taking FOR. EV. ER. and the help of others to fix. (Oh yeah, try as hard as I might, I couldn't loosen one of my own boots from the ski) Finally I had to go sit down while mom and dad got their ski legs back at their own pace. (Not getting to sleep last night until 3 AM didn't help either-- what, I was trying)

When I got to the bottom, I told mom & dad "I'd be happy if I never ski again in my life... ... ... except just one more." Might as well go out on a bang... so I went back to the Beginner Slope. And FOR THE FIRST TIME made it the whole way down wihout falling. And again the next time down. And again the next time down. Lesson learned.

Now walking back to the car after turning in the rentals, I learned a truth of the Universe: there's no difference between ski legs and sea legs.