uh oh, WHO'S got a driver's permit?!?

OH YEAH, I just went down to the DMV and GOT my South Kakalaki driver's permit!!! Thus ends about 5 months of my parental units' hard work!

Oh, a joke, well since you're so insistent...
A blond/brunette/redhead guy/girl goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I touch my arm, my leg, my back, my head, my feet..." The doctor listens for a while and listens to the never-ending list of pains: "I know what's wrong. Your finger's broken." (Guy/girl/etc since I'm am equal opportunity insulter)

Knight Industries Two Thousand

So to break some record somewhere for the most blog posts in one day... tonight, the ORIGINAL series premiere of KITT was on NBC!!!
http://www.nbc.com/Knight_Rider/?__source=ggl|kitt+tv|Character+-+Kitt|KnightRider08_Specific&sky=ggl|kitt+tv|Character+-+Kitt|KnightRider08_Specific
Took me right back to my childhood... I loved that show, and now it's on again! And to make it even more of a KITT day (I didn't know the show was going to be on), right before that I had stopped by a Radio Shack, and BOUGHT MY OWN KITT THAT WHEN IT TURNS ON, HAS THE LIGHTS ON THE SIDES, AND SAYS "Hello, Jeffrey, where would you like to go today?" HOW COOL IS THAT!?!?
http://www.knightridergps.com/

JUNK BUTTER! VEGAS HERE I COME!

So I came downstairs to do some reading for my schoolwork, and since the class is online only, I always check the class website beforehand, which has class discussions, mail, announcements, and grades. AND HOW 'BOUT SOME GRADES?!? I knew I already got a 87% on the test. When I was taking the test, I thought one question was worded so that there was not a correct answer in the multiple-choice answers. I sent it to me professor. HE AGREED THE QUESTION WAS WORDED ODDLY! AND HE GAVE ME CREDIT FOR IT! AND, NOW THAT THE WHOLE CLASS HAS TAKEN THE TEST, HE ADDED A SLIGHT CURVE TO BRING THE AVERAGE UP TO A "B." BETWEEN THOSE FACTORS, -=I GOT A 100%=- WOO HOO! Add that to my only other class grade of 100, and you'll get an average of-- hang on, let me pull out a calculator, no OK pencil, no OK bang two rocks together...

Zoinks! Ruh roh! Rack o' reep?

So I have sleep issues. (wonder why) So last night I was tired (surprising) and went to bed at 10 (REAL surprising-- I normally go to sleep somewhere in the neighborhood of midnight to 2). So I'm laying there... FOR...EV...ER. Not so much on the sleep coming, which is a new record. I tried counting, but never could get past 42 (you need to read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to understand why that's my favorite number), but then I had a good idea. I thought "Huh. War. What is it good for? Huh. You know... if everybody had a strawberry milkshake in EACH hand, no room for weapons, and then we'd all feel the joy all the time anyways... (time goes by) Which could lead to more problems-- everybody'd be feeling so loving, the marriage proposals would be flying, so if there are any relatives nearby... errrrm. And if folks learn that all you gotta do to get free strawberry milkshakes airdropped in is start a war... hrrrm." Okay, never mind on the "good idea," but at least I can blame lack o' sleep for being cRAZy. But hey, having an odd sense o' humor is better than my impression of baked bread that doesn't rise for five weeks. (Hoo-ah. Thank you, thank you, be sure to tip your waitstaff. I'll be here all week)

A religious man goes to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says he's in good health, and asks if he has any other questions. The man replies "Nope, I've led a good life and God's been good to me because he turns on the light for me when I got to the bathroom at night." Then the man leaves and his wife comes in. The doctor says "Your husband's in good PHYSICAL health, but I think he's gone koo-koo. He thinks that God literally turns on the light for him when he gets up in the middle of the night to pee." The wife replies "OOOOHHHH! THAT explains the yellow liquid in the fridge every morning!"

testing again, sorry

Well, I've got this cool Google blog, and it lets you send updates to up to 10 email addresses. So I created a groups.google.com email address, and that now gets the updates... and more than 10 folks can join the email group, edit your own settings, join leave, whatever. http://groups.google.com/group/jeff-knox-blog-updates?hl=en But, when you post to the blog, you get one immediate chance to edit that post before it goes out, like if you re-read it and realize you left a typo in. So I'm using this to see if the edited version goes out TO THE EMAIL GROUP or not.
THIS IS THE EDITED VERSION
Please click on the Comments link right below this on the blog, and leave feedback as to the "edited version" or "unedited version" went out the email group.

Question of the day: if you hit caps lock before (or hold down shift during) pressing the space key, is that space now in upper-case or lower-case?

Now, old grasshopper...

Simply wow. Just wow. Ouch wow!

And today I had the artist from Charisma Art and her teen daughter on my sailboat. The wind conditions were so strong we held off for a bit, but in the end we went, and it went fantastic! It was the 1st-ever time I've had 5 people on board, but it worked fine! They're both sailing almost-newbies, but they had their turn "turning the tiller toward the tattling telltale" ("steering" for the lubbers) and did very well! I've made a wall downstairs that's dedicated to her artwork since over the last year, I've bought 7 in total at various street shows!

do ya play cards?

Incredibly weird random odd fact for the day:
If you take all the cards in one suit out of a full deck of cards, and write down the English spoken name, then count up the letters in that name, add that number to a running tally that started at 0, then do the next card in the same fashion until you've run through the suit once... you'll see an oddly familiar number to a deck of cards. Please don't comment what it is. HOW STRANGE. What's even stranger is that somebody figured this out.

re-learning gear is starting to roll

Sorry, no jokes today. (Or maybe you'll think this IS one.) So I'm taking a college course at my local community college (and the class is online only-- perfect for a guy who can't drive by himself-- yet). The reason I'm taking the class is only to get my brain back into "learning mode." (I was having a heck of a time re-learning to be a software engineer) And to verify that point, I already had credit for taking this class (psychology) from my time at good ol' FU. So last week was the first test. And today is the first day of grades being known. I got a ... c'mon, pay up if you wanna know... a... oh, alright... 43.00 (out of 50.00. So if you want me to be somewhere, I'll solidly B there!

I didn't have any Option but winning

So a while ago, I got one of my favorite additions to my game closet (well, okay, sheesh, closets): Option. (I got it for $3 at a Habitat For Humanity home store) Let me give you a rundown of scores since I keep a Google 'gaming' calendar with what day, who, when & what scores.

9/9/2008: mom: 99, dad: 118, guess who?: 2,429

9/12/2008: mom: 87, dad: 97, guess who?: 3,044

9/13/2008: mom: 101, dad: 121, guess who?: 1,305

9/17/2008 2 player: dad: 109, guess who?: 3,071

9/20/2008 2 player: mom: 112, guess who?: 703

9/21/2008: mom: 77, dad: 84, guess who?: 3,758 -- carefully placing ONE TILE earned me 366 points

So women, aren't brains sexy?

COMMENTS!

It's only taken 8 months for this software engineer to figure out how, but ... I JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO ENABLE COMMENTING ON POSTS HERE!!! When commenting, be aware the comment will be public & please be mindful of the fact that other folks read this blog than you. Or, write your comment down on paper first, go stand on a crowded city corner, and just yell it a few times. If nobody hits you, all right then. If nobody thinks you're crazy for standing and yelling on the corner... you're in the right town.

Back to your regularly scheduled program:

So a person starts choking in a restaurant, and their dinner partner stands up & yells "Can anybody help?!?" A good citizen comes over quickly and ... licks the choker. They stop coughing right away. The dinner partner is like "Thanks so much, but what the heck? How did you do that?" The life-saver says "Well, I'm Mr. Heim... that was a Heim-lick maneuver." (That's a Jeff Knox Original. That's also maybe why I can't find a girlfriend. Note to self: "no jokes on first dates, just read the menu out loud if you have to")

late at night, things get... a little more truthful?

So late last night, I was downstairs , and mom hollered down the stairwell "Bud, I'm coming downstairs, I'm just gonna do something in my craft room." I HEARD "Bud, I'm coming downstairs, I'm just gonna do something in my crack pipe." Seriously. Maybe you hear what you expect to hear. (Mom: "Girl you know it's true, ooh ooh ooh, I love you")
Oh dear. Put down that pen and paper you're going to use to keep track of how many times I quote Milli Vanilli on my blog. Oh dear goodness me. And link to their Wikipedia page. I clearly need help. Are there any "-ists" in the house?

for the English dweebs

See if this wins ya a bar bet, a Scrabble match, or ... here ya go.

Shake a spear(e)

The King James Version of the Bible was completed when William Shakespeare was forty-six years old. In Psalm 46 of this translation, the forty-sixth word is “shake,” and the forty-sixth word from the end is “spear.” So incredibly odd.

racing sailboats again!

Okay, so the BIG news of the day/week/month/year from all of is ... wait for it ... WE DID OUR 1ST TWO REAL SAILBOAT RACES IN "REBOOTED" ON 8/31 (laptop died is the reason for the delay) I've been looking forward to that... well, let's just say A LONG TIME. Yeah, we made a lot of mistakes, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth (almost entirely by me), and our finishing place wasn't good at all, but you can't win or get better if you don't play the game. And we were out there mixin' it up with 'em... well, okay, behind 'em. Geez, since you're so pushy, we almost tied the first race(for last place), but we learned later that we did correct over him since his boat's design is faster. And the 2nd race... yeah we scored a "TLE," which I'd hoped meant Totally Lapped Everybody, but I think means Tell Listeners Everything about how NOT to race, 'cause you get scored that when you cross the finish line over half-an-hour after the winner. So, we got some work to do. Yes, we did race. No, we did not use all the sails at our disposal. Is anyone surprised that there is nowhere to go but up from here?

And look at this late-night-TV hotness: http://tv.trikke.com/

alien abduction ... INSURANCE?!?

Oh. My. Goodness.
http://www.ufo2001.com/
http://www.alienabductioninsurance.com/

Good advice
http://www.alienabductioninsurance.com/insurance-tips.html

How to get it:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2046642_get-alien-abduction-insurance.html

How to claim it:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2051076_claim-alien-abduction-insurance.html

Wikipedia'd:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_abduction_insurance

just hot-air blowing

So I just discovered that not all of my blog posts were published like I thought they were (and how to enable reader's comments), some were "saved as draft," which would explain why I haven't always made sense (that or the TBI, hmmm). So, let me backfill the only one that wasn't just hot-air blowing: here.
I'm discovering tricks!

• Like
• this
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1. And
2. a
3. numbered
4. one
   

One more way Apple sneaks in "acting evil"

My old laptop is dying or dead and it had all my jokes on it. Sorry, but the truth is I'm not that funny. This is coming to ya from the new hotness laptop.

Caution iTunes users (all those of you who have Apple iPoo'ds): a window just popped up on my Intel PC saying "Apple software update. New software: Safari." I was like "APPLE??? What the heck?" (I forgot that I've installed some Apple software) So before choosing any buttons I did a Google search: One, Two, Googled
So there are 2 lessons here: 1) DON'T DO IT- just since you downloaded iTunes they're trying to sneakily install THEIR web browser 2) Apple is desperate, so buy anything not Macintosh.

Funniest. Human. Ever.

THE man (Brian Regan) is getting his own TV show thingy. The name of the show's also the name of his new DVD ("The Epitome Of Hyperbole"), so I'm in the "confused, just wait, watch and see" category. And I don't know yet if the show has some cockamamie plot, or is stand-up or what, or even if it's recurring, so... um... just remember that you heard it here 1st.
10 PM eastern Sat. Sept. 6th I know where I'll be... Comedy Central!

the race is on

Okay, so you've got several choices in this upcoming U.S. presidential election. A look at some of the runners:

-The jObama ticket:
"Quarterback passes the ball to the fast guy, who quickly runs into trouble, and hands off to jObama... WHO GOES ALL... THE... WAY!" And what really weirds me out, the team's made out of all the same guy. The other TV channel says they have candidates whose names can't be fused into one, but that's just plain... oh hey, look over there! Away from them! Quicker!

-The McPal ticket:
Now seeing how much Americans love their McBurgers & everyone could use a friend, hmmm... Some of their campaign slogans:
"You deserve a break today." Mandated breaks at your place of employment? YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER! (Just open this junk mail to find out)
"Good time, great taste (that's why this is our place)" Ummm, exactly HOW DOES America taste? Or if we vote you in, does that mean we have to eat you?
"What you want is what you get" Yeah, we know, that's why someone ... oh I don't know, invented VOTING?
"We love to make you smile" Now THAT'S the winning campaign slogan. I'll tell ya what makes ME smile: free strawberry milkshakes or the Sonic's blended soda/ice cream floats.
"I'm lovin' it" Maybe, maybe not. We'll just see if the voters are lovin' it.

I just wanted to share what I'm calling the tickets. And if any of this seems biased, it's not supposed to be, because I haven't chosen yet. If I made fun of your candidate, well, pick a better candidate.