Ah... ah... ah, choo!

Now this is a classic. My family has celebrated Xmas, and I have to brag about one thing I gave Dad. This probably comes from his career in a hospital (I hope), but our house has hand sanitizer very nearby AT ALL TIMES, and Dad has a bottle in his pocket so much that, if I need to use some, I just ask him "Bear?" which refers to this saying: "Does a bear go to the bathroom in the woods?" since I'd keel over dead from the surprise if he's not carrying hand sanitizer.
So I gave him this dispenser. Now it's on our fridge, full of Purell. Now imagine what it's like before meal-time. We go push the big nose and lather our hands in whatever comes out. Mmm, mmm good.

A Jeff Knox 1 AM original (think double entendre): If you don't try sex before marriage, you might just get screwed.

OH. MY. GOD.

We just saw THE BEST SHOW EVER. I hope my drool stains will come out of my sweatshirt. Many times, I was like "Ah, I could do that... but maybe only that AND that... in my wildest dreams I couldn't do those AND THIS. Okay, now they're doing all that on a freakin' tight rope. Enough of walking on the tight rope, now on a BIKE on a tight rope. Okay, I survived that heart attack...

Cna yuo raed tihs?

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

So then I................. breathed.

So we started the drive home today. As we drove through the tunnels under ze Chesapeake Bay, I was like "Oh no, we're gonna go under THE OCEAN! I'd like to breathe, but there's this ocean on top of me. Hold your breath!" So it IS possible to make it through that tunnel holding your breath. Huh. And I didn't learn my lesson by the 2nd tunnel. Huh. Noted: get smarter. Special note: viewers at home may not want to try both tunnels AND their connecting bridge in one breath-- that bridge isn't what you and I (or at least I) would call "short." EXTRA-SPECIAL DUNKED-IN-STRAWBERRY-MILKSHAKE MESSAGE: please don't do this whilst driving (I've tried the opposite of "alive" and trust me, it's not as cool as they say).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YTMND Because of the above, I'm working on YAlmostTMND