Sunday, January 8, 2012

calling theoretical astrophysicists on their bluff

So I'm watching a really great series of TV shows on Netflix, How The Universe Works, produced by the Discovery Channel in 2010.  Holy cow is this stuff I didn't learn in high school-- probably since when I was in high school, we didn't know this stuff.  (or think we know it, it is just scientific hypotheses, but even gravity was only a hypothesis, (even recently questioned by one nutcracker) and to my knowledge it's never actually been proven  ;-)  So come to find out that the earth is rotating around the sun-- yes, got that, move on-- and the sun is only one star in the Milky Way galaxy-- yawn, next slide please-- but that the Milky Way is orbiting around a super-massive black hole-- WHOA!  Wait, what?  Did I hear you correctly?  <Googles like mad>  Huh!  Guess I did! 

Now, I gotta pick a bone with these so-called "smart" astrophysicists.  Here's what they sounded like in elementary school: "Um, my homework?  Uh, yeah, um, I did that.  I woulda gotten an A on it too, but unfortunately the dog ate it.  Sorry teach.  You can just go ahead and give me that A anyway though."  That was elementary school, this is now: "Hi boss.  Why'd you call me in your office?  Oh, um, you want to know why galaxies are moving toward and away from each other?  That's simple.  Gravity!  Oh you want more than a one-word answer, hmm... yeah... ooh I got it!  Yeah, there's this stuff, see, and you can't see it, touch it, or taste it.  In fact it's undetectable by any instrument known to man today.  Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket!  What is this stuff called?  Oh... that's easy... it would be called... um... dark matter, yeah!"
     All joking aside, actual quotes from the theoretical astrophysicists: "Dark energy is... really weird."  Yeah, that's 'cause you just made dark matter up, that's how you explain the fact that you can't explain it.  The show claims that dark matter is "Ghost-like material that will pass right through you, as if you didn't exist at all."  Oh, yeah, sure, no I believe you, no problem there.  But dark matter or not, you still gotta take out the trash and clean the bathtub.  (which, if you hate doing, a Scrubbing Bubbles is awesome)
     Yeah, we might make some giant scientific breakthroughs regarding this dark matter, but at the moment this is pretty much what we call "a lazy way of explaining things you don't understand."

I.Q. test: should you or should you not bungee-jump over crocodile-infested waters?

"Hmmm... I don't know... tough question... so down there are alligators... that will kill me if given the chance... actually eat me... and you want to push me off this incredibly safe alligator-observation ledge so that I hurl toward them rapidly, only to be pulled back at the last second by this very thin stretchy rope... yeah, huh, sounds like a solid good plan.  You've really thought this out!  Yeah, let's do this to this!"


Later, "WOAH that was way too close!  I had to swim with my ankles tied together and everything.  Talk about a rush!  I'm never EVER bungee-jumping over alligator-infested waters AGAIN...  Oh what's that you say?  You know of a place that will let me bungee-jump over a bear pit?  Cool!  How soon can we go?  I'll have to work it in though, as my next adventure will be to have my body suspended over a bed of nails by a strand of used dental floss... that will be a jab of fun!  It should be so exciting, it'll hurt!"

Saturday, January 7, 2012

very useful info from a recent Dept. of Transportation study!

This videoed P.S.A. is so ridiculously useful to drivers!

Heh heh heh...

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In between Q & S is Arrr!

My pirate name is:
Captain Jack Kidd
Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!
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