HULU- watched it 2night!

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall? Dam. (mine) Holy carp.
A web page is female because it's always getting hit on.
What is invisible and smells like carrots?
I think this means they've gone public? Hulu
"In these short 18 weeks since we began private beta testing, we’ve been working hard to kick the tires and check under the hood in preparation of opening the doors to our site. With well over 10,000 pieces of user feedback, we’ve heard your suggestions, comments, criticisms and praise. Today we are excited to leave our private beta and open Hulu.com to everyone in the U.S.. Our streaming video service is free - anyone in the U.S. with a broadband internet connection and a computer can just press play to enjoy.
We’ve also made significant additions to our content line-up. With the help of over 50 top content providers such as FOX, NBC Universal, MGM, Sony and Warner Bros., we’ve more than quadrupled the number of shows in our library, and on top of that, we’ve added 100 full-length movies. Hulu offers full-length episodes of not only current hit shows like The Simpsons and The Office but also classics like The Incredible Hulk, Miami Vice and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and in some cases, as with Arrested Development, Firefly, and Friday Night Lights, we have every episode ever aired. Our expanded library of full-length movies has something for everyone, from The Usual Suspects to The Big Lebowski, Me, Myself & Irene, Mulholland Drive and (one of my personal favorites) Three Amigos!."

Easter + Carepage

Welcome to all my Carepage visitors! Glad you could stop by.
What time is it when ten carnivores are chasing you, and you're alone? Ten after one.
Is constipate an irregular verb?
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
So I said I was going to hide Easter eggs for my kids, and dad said "yeah, like we did for you, over and over... same eggs." I asked how old I was. "8?" "No..." "18?!" "No..." "Well, when did you last do that?" "About 15 minutes ago..."

bike riding

What do you call a psychic midget who's just escaped from jail? A small medium at large.
If rugs could talk, would they just lie?
What time is it when ten carnivores are chasing you, and you're alone?
Okay, so bike riding, huh? So there's some quote like "once you learn to ride a bike..." but APPARENTLY it's not quite true. (Remember, I used to ride my bike to and from work, about 15-25 minutes) I got training wheels (yeah THAT wasn't embarrassing), but then even after that, I couldn't help but go left, try all I could. So I figured, well, it's been a while. (You think?) Then, thankfully, mom and dad got on... and THEY couldn't help but go left. Huh. More trys later, but that's enough for this day of frustration. Ok, went to a large parking lot, and I did MUCH better! The training wheels almost never hit the ground! Now, I WAS on Mom's bike, but next time it'll be my own.

Mom's holes in one record

So on MOM'S BIRTHDAY we played miniature golf. Well, they played miniature golf and I did something with a club. Mom's previous record was 1 hole in. Today she (and dad, too) surprisingly got a new record of 3!

Mom's birthday

TODAY IS MOM'S BIRTHDAY! So we'll be busy with presents for... the next 42 minutes.

Reunion day

What lies on it's back 1000 feet in the air? A dead centipede. (Mine) A tent centipede on a very tall tent.
If a tree falls in the woods, and no one's around, do the other trees laugh?
What do you call a psychic midget who's just escaped from jail?
So today was the day of reunions! First, I walked dogs for the Humane Society and met one of my long-time dogwalking pals down there... then I went rock climbing with two long-time pals at a new place, and made it to the top twice, and downclimbed 1/2!!!

I'm walkin', I'm talkin'...

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
So what's the speed of dark?
A sandwich walks into a bar, and the bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."
What lies on it's back 1000 feet in the air?
With my double vision, I have become heroic Doc Holliday in the movie Tombstone: "I've got two guns... one for each of ya."
My goodness Dad found a site that's just incredible: http://www.hulu.com/ Your favorite TV shows, even your fave MOVIES!
THAT was weird. I got up this mornin and put on my "Official Dog Walker" hat, (I walk 'em weekly at the GHS), went for a walk around the lake, and met a lady who was walking her three golden retrievers, and I got to walk one for a very long time! And he "was a verrrry good boy. Yes. Good dog."

General Tso and- I just farted- birthday card

Why are they called hemoroids? Shouldn't they be called asteroids? (My British version) Shouldn't they be called bummers?
All generalizations are false.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
So last night, I had for the first time since the wreck, General Tso's chicken from my favorite ever Chinese restaurant, the Rice Bowl, which useda be one of my favorite ever dishes (still is). I remember that back in the day, when we got delivery, thay used to call up "Food heah. Lice bowl."
You know when I was back in the hospital, my honesty came back first. Right in the middle of talking to someone, I would say something like "It's been a good -- I just farted -- session for my legs."
You know, for Dad's bday yesterday, I gave him a card that said on the inside "Happy 58th birthday Dad!" and on the back said "in case you forgot how old you are, or how we're related." I wondered if before the wreck, I made as much fun of my parents young age and they both reminded me of the extra-large package of Depends I gave them for their retirement.

Today is Dad's birthday!

TODAY IS DAD'S BIRTHDAY!
What do tornadoes in South Carolina and divorces in South Carolina have in common? Someone's gonna lose a trailer.
Atheism is a non-prophet group.
Why are they called hemmoroids?
I forgot to post this last time: in my daily brain games session (about 45 minutes of agonizing pain), mom read me 4 words which I normally read back, AND HAD IN THE EXERCISE JUST PRIOR, and I started to say them back (WRONGLY), and she said without a "next exercise," I gotta "guess" the instructions (my wording), which means wait to hear the instructions after I hear the words. Well, that would have been good info five seconds ago...
TODAY IS DAD'S BIRTHDAY! So wherever you are, wish him a happy birthday, and if you want to call him, he'll have my cell phone today, so it's 864-PURR-BY-5.

joke only day

Alright, so I'm gonna break tradition and make this a joke only day. What do you call a fish with no fins or tail? Bob.
Clones are people two.
What do divorces in South Carolina and tornadoes in South Carolina have in common?
I heard that from one of my therapists today and it was so good I had to make it a joke only day. Remember, any answers have to be clean and they will be VERY interesting to this S.C. boy.

Gwynn Valley!

What do you get when you play a country song backwards? You get your house, your truck, your wife and your dog back.
What do you call a fish with no fins or tail?
So, today I have done nothing, de nada, zip, zippo, kaputka. Except ...
I went back to Brevard, NC to see Gwynn Valley where I was a camp counselor one summer (right after being Applebee's-boy)! I saw one of the cabins I worked in, and the pond I lifeguarded at! (apparently, I showed up early to take that course) I remembered correctly that their daily (I thought weekly) "newspaper" is called the Tajar Times! All in all, it was a great trip down memory lane, and if anyone needs a stroll down THAT lane... well, I forget who does...

Irish festival

The funniest ad you'll see
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.
What do you get when you play a country song backwards?
So today I went to an Irish festival in downtown Gvegas, and it was fun. Tonight I went to my programming tutor who I told that within the last two days, randomly, suddenly, out of the blue, I remembered two key aspects of programming in my chosen language, Java! Long forgotten pieces are coming back...

civil war

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
So today, we went to a local meeting of cachers, (which was poorly scheduled with another local meeting), which was indeed fun. Then we went to a civil war re-enactment, which one of these days, I am GOING to join and do. I bought a ballcap that says "THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN" ... being the only southerner among even my extended relatives.

Better sailing

What sound does a grape make when you step on it? A little wine.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
My advice is: GEORGE, GEORGE, GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE, WATCH OUT FOR THAT CAR!
So today was lot of fun! We went sailing on Qwerty ("that's my boat"). The wind was MUCH BETTER than last time. Here all this time I'd thought that our slowness was the fact that we had three people on board a singlehander (which I've APPARENTLY taken crew on before), but today we sailed with two (parents altered hours), and did absolutely fine, so we sailed with three... once again, absolutely fine! So what changed between that day and today? I have no idea (well, 5 MPH more wind), but it is now my mission to find out.

Freshman college roommate

What do you call a formal dance full of only chicks? A fowl ball.
I went into a McDonald's and ordered fries. The girl said "would you like fries with that?"
What sound does a grape make when you step on it?
So today, I went to go see my freshman college roommate! The reason that's so unbelievably exciting is that about a month into he and I living together, HE WAS IN A CAR THAT WAS HIT BY A DRUNK DRIVER AND HE WAS BADLY INJURED, TOO! 10 years later, wonders haven't ceased. And three years later, he remembered a password to a computer thing, so there's always hope! Of course, I got trumped when I said:
"My chances of ever waking up were 10%. You?"
"0%"
"Ummm, look over there. Live dancing girls!"

back on a Flying Scot!

Do zombies eat candy with their fingers? No, they eat their fingers separately. Ants can carry up to 20 times their body weight, which is useful info if you need help moving a potato chip.
What do you call a formal dance full of only chicks?
So today, I went sailing with a friend who I useda race against! I like his boat A LOT (takes two people)- a Flying Scot. My current one is a single-hander...
So because of the wreck, I now keep a text file of words that are hard to say (aloud. Mentally I have no problem with). It goes:
sterility, existed, sixtieth, triptatrichloraminedamine, the name of the girl who crashed her car into me
Go figure.

Why don't skeletons date? They don't have any body to go out with.
Do zombies eat candy with their fingers?
I went sailing today, right next to the club I'm a member of on my pains' boat, and saw about 8-10 sailboats all coming from the club... I said, looks kinda like they're racing. Well... today was the first race of the keelboat class season (I have a centerboarder). The wind was excellent, about 13-15 knots. (1 mph = .8689755962687 kts an hour) (Wrong, dad looked it up, it was 15-22 mph)
Mom said she was going to the grocery store the other day, and did I want anything? I replied my usual, "live dancing girls," and mom said "what section do I find those in? Miss-elaneous?"