Poker? What's that!?!

From Dad: "Why does Kenny G play the saxophone every day?"

O. M. G.
So I useda have a regular weekly poker group, and we specialized in Texas Hold 'em. So tonight, I was happy to see the poker group for the community I'm TEMPORARILY staying in met at 7:00pm and Dad and I went. O. M. G. Dealer's choice of which game. So we played:
1) 7 card stud, 3s and 9s wild.
2) 5 card draw, the card immediately following a face-up queen is wild. (don't ask)
3) A crosswords-like game, where if you get a four face-up, you get an extra card.
Oh, and you can bet ANYTHING you want, as long as it's between 9 and 11 cents. EXCEPT unless the person immediately before you bets ten cents, then you need to open with two dimes. Oh, and dimes aren't worth 10 cents here, they're worth an imaginary number of cents that only the person three to the left of the dealer knows.
When it got back to my deal, since it was dealer's choice, I was going to play this (but forgot): "Okay, the way this complex game works is... wait for it... one card each. Oh, and it's up. Oh, and there's 42 rounds of betting (bluffers beware). And whatever card you have is wild, but ONLY on the third Tuesday of the month, but ONLY if 7:42pm follows 8:42pm THAT DAY ONLY. I'll assume if, during the betting rounds, any snoring is to be taken as a "call." I was going to say good luck, but since I'm no longer sure if luck has anything to do with it... everybody, good."
That all WOULD be humorous if I was joking. But, somehow, in my recovery, I learned what a joke IS, and at 7 pm tonight I was there.
O. M. G.