I can see up the tunnel... and there's sky up there

Okay, first THANKS to everyone who sent messages of love and support. Very much. There's a reason my replies were so short, it's 'cause there were too many to reply to. I suppose I'm at or near the end of the depressed phase. (You know, it's funny, my pains knew this was coming someday) YES, I went through a suicidal phase there for two days. BUT, there is no way I would act on that, I would rather just feel horribly miserable. And I was honest with my pains about what I was feeling at the time I was feeling it. And today, (get ready) I WENT TO GO SEE A PASTORAL COUNSELOR. 29 years of being an atheist... and talking with him for over 2.5 hours did actually make me feel better. It turns out he was a member of WCSC , my sailing club, too! That is, until he was in a bike wreck, and couldn't fly his chute any more (spinnaker, landlubbers). So, some of the things I enjoyed may be different or inaccessible now. I get that now. But life goes on, I choose that, and I will continue to choose that. There will be NO early "so long, and thanks for all the fish" from this corner.